Final Lenten Thoughts

I have crucified the Lord Jesus with my sin. But that is not all. I have abandoned him with his disciples, when I chose to follow my own path rather than his. I have betrayed him with Judas when I sinned, knowing full well his grace and the wrongness of my actions before I committed them. I have beaten him with the soldiers when I blasphemed and used his name as a curse. I have denied him with Peter when I tried to befriend the world rather than suffering ridicule with him. I have accused him with the Jews when I brought discredit to his name by my actions. I have reviled him with the thieves when I traded his blessings for the pleasures of the flesh. And I have persecuted him with Paul when I maligned and acted evilly toward the least of these, his brethren; those others here who love him. Lord, I am not worthy that thou shouldst come under my roof, but speak the word only and my soul shall be healed.

Psalm 51

King James Version (KJV)

51 Have mercy upon me, O God, according to thy lovingkindness: according unto the multitude of thy tender mercies blot out my transgressions.

² Wash me thoroughly from mine iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin.
³ For I acknowledge my transgressions: and my sin is ever before me.
⁴ Against thee, thee only, have I sinned, and done this evil in thy sight: that thou mightest be justified when thou speakest, and be clear when thou judgest.
⁵ Behold, I was shapen in iniquity; and in sin did my mother conceive me.
⁶ Behold, thou desirest truth in the inward parts: and in the hidden part thou shalt make me to know wisdom.
⁷ Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean: wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.
⁸ Make me to hear joy and gladness; that the bones which thou hast broken may rejoice.
⁹ Hide thy face from my sins, and blot out all mine iniquities.
¹⁰ Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.
¹¹ Cast me not away from thy presence; and take not thy holy spirit from me.
¹² Restore unto me the joy of thy salvation; and uphold me with thy free spirit.
¹³ Then will I teach transgressors thy ways; and sinners shall be converted unto thee.
¹⁴ Deliver me from bloodguiltiness, O God, thou God of my salvation: and my tongue shall sing aloud of thy righteousness.
¹⁵ O Lord, open thou my lips; and my mouth shall shew forth thy praise.
¹⁶ For thou desirest not sacrifice; else would I give it: thou delightest not in burnt offering.
¹⁷ The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: a broken and a contrite heart, O God, thou wilt not despise.

"Powder Blue" and the Stripping of the Flesh

I don't know if Timothy Linh Bui is a Christian. But his movie Powder Blue, in addition to its many other merits, is powerfully Christian and powerfully Lenten in its imagery. I won't give away the plot, in case you haven't seen the film, but it is a pastiche of stories of people whose lives seemingly can't get any worse, yet do. It is not the ordinary Hollywood "just hang in there, and everything's going to get better!" drivel, but an examination of the death of dreams and of the self.

Most notably Christian in terms of imagery is the story of Father Bishop (played by Forest Whitaker), a fallen priest who must undergo a descent into hell and a sacrifice and purgation. And, of course, must let go of the things to which he's been clinging. I won't belabour the beautiful images with clumsy commentary.

The Devil's Lair

The False Woman

The Real Woman

Death

Resurrection

Looking Back on the Cross

The Tomb Opens

New Life

God I wish Lent was over. I need a drink.

I Crucified Thee

Ah, holy Jesus, how hast thou offended,
that man to judge thee hath in hate pretended?
By foes derided, by thine own rejected,
O most afflicted.

Who was the guilty? Who brought this upon thee?
Alas, my treason, Jesus, hath undone thee.
'Twas I, Lord Jesus, I it was denied thee:
I crucified thee.

Lo, the Good Shepherd for the sheep is offered;
the slave hath sinned, and the Son hath suffered;
for our atonement, while we nothing heedeth,
God intercedeth.

For me, kind Jesus, was thy incarnation,
thy mortal sorrow, and thy life's oblation;
thy death of anguish and thy bitter passion,
for my salvation.

Therefore, kind Jesus, since I cannot pay thee,
I do adore thee, and will ever pray thee,
think on thy pity and thy love unswerving,
not my deserving.

-- Johannes Heermann, arr. J.S. Bach

These are not just words. My sin--my personal sin that I have commited, and tragically, that which I have yet to commit--is responsible for the suffering and death of holy Jesus. And there is nothing I can ever do that can ever atone for it. All I can offer is my life in return for the immeasurable favours he has done me and the unfathomable mercies he has shown me, and must rely upon his grace for the rest.

For I acknowledge my transgressions and my sin is ever before me. Against thee, thee only have I sinned, and done this evil in thy sight -- Psalm 51:4

The Practice of the Presence of God

It has been a spiritually productive Lent for me. Productive in the sense that physicians mean when they use the word in reference to a cough when you're congested. I won't elaborate on the metaphor.

From Brother Lawrence's The Practice of the Presense of God:

That, as for the miseries and sins he heard of daily in the world, he was so far from wondering at them that, on the contrary, he was surprised that there were not more, considering the malice that sinners were capable of; that, for his part, he prayed for them; but knowing that God could remedy the mischiefs they did when He pleased, he gave himself no further trouble.

It is hard to explain the effect these words have had upon me. In fact, I won't even try: I'll just let you ponder them yourself.

The practice of the presence of God should be a simple thing; the simplest of things, really. What could be more desirable after all than to be continually before the face of our saviour and creator? The problem is that one must get one's self out of the way in order to do it, and one's self does not like to be got out of the way. No, not one little bit. Especially if one's self is an arrogant and belligerant ass like my self is. Thank you, Lord, for permitting afflictions of the flesh in order to cure those of the soul.