It Wasn't Love at First Sight

It wasn't love at first sight

Not that you weren't beautiful
You were
And I told you

But it wasn't an erotic attraction by which I was drawn to you
It was something deeper
mystical
sublime
mysterious
As if I'd always known you

The first time we met, we talked like old friends
in the way that people have whose souls operate on the same frequency
And I found myself soon counting the days
until I could see you again

But still, it wasn't that kind of love

When I first loved you, it was in spirit
For in our shared love for Him
I found a spirit like my own
but better
For you taught me more perfectly to love Him
You showed me the deep, rich beauty of His Universe
and made me to feel
for the first time,
Joy

Like Beatrice, you led me by the hand
ascending the celestial spheres
laying before my eyes the wonders of Creation
of which you are the most wondrous
But pointing me ever upwards
toward the Light to which all other lights are darkness

I could have loved you eternally
as my most precious and lovely sister
But I found that there was more

For I found you to be a fellow-denizen of Faerie, as well as of Heaven
We were connected by the Secret Thread
We loved the same books
and pursued the same ideas...but not exactly
There was difference enough for you to challenge me
And you did
For you had both the wit and the courage to do so
It charmed and excited me
And I loved you with the deep and true respect of a friend
which one can only have for an equal

We sat, one evening, side-by-side on the sofa
your dear mother in the chair beside
and I thought,
"This is dangerous
 and far too comfortable
 If I'm not careful, I'm going to fall in love
 and that will do no one any good."
I tried to draw away from you then
but it was too late

It happened one morning
another conversation
You sat across from me...
leaning forward...
your face intent...
your eyes alight...
And suddenly you were the most beautiful
the most desirable
the most impossibly alluring woman who had ever lived

My very taste changed
and from that moment forth all women's beauty
was measured by the degree to which they reminded me
of you
Indeed, there is no other woman
for through you I see all others
You are the type and the original
the Platonic Form
and all others are copies
some more, some less imperfect

But none
Anywhere
Ever
Like you

-- M.S. du Pré

How Long?

How long?
Or am I as ridiculous as I sometimes feel?
Am I just the romantic fool in a world with no room for romance?
a world with no magic?
with no true love?
A world of pragmatic choices:
"Be practical"
"Move on"
"Get over it"
"Find someone suitable and make it work"

Is, indeed, the love of the heart no love at all?
the love of the poets
the love of the bards
the love of Scripture
Was Shakespeare wrong?
Was Verdi?
Was Austen?
Was Solomon?

Am I a fool?
Or is this the part of the story where I must win your heart through trials?
through strength and patience
endurance and will
faithfulness and unconditional love

It matters not
Either way, I will wait
and I will love
for I can do no other

Though I wait until the last day of my life
if on that day we can love together
it will all have been worthwhile
and I would count the cost as nothing--
my entire life for a single day of your love

-- M.S. du Pré

This one, either

Thou hast ravished my heart, my sister, my bride: thou hast ravished my heart with one of thine eyes, with one chain of thy neck.

How fair is thy love, my sister, my bride! how much better is thy love than wine! and the fragrance of thy perfumes than all spices!

Thy lips, O my bride, drop as the honeycomb: honey and milk are under thy tongue; and the smell of thy garments is as the smell of Lebanon.

A garden enclosed is my sister, my bride; a spring shut up, a fountain sealed.

-- Song of Songs 4:10-12

This one I didn't write

Tell me, ye merchants daughters, did ye see
So fayre a creature in your towne before;

So sweet, so lovely, and so mild as she,

Adornd with beautyes grace and vertues store?

Her goodly eyes lyke Saphyres shining bright,

Her forehead yvory white,

Her cheekes lyke apples which the sun hath rudded,

Her lips lyke cherryes charming men to byte,

Her brest like to a bowle of creame uncrudded,

Her paps lyke lyllies budded,

Her snowie necke lyke to a marble towre;

And all her body like a pallace fayre,

Ascending up, with many a stately stayre,

To honors seat and chastities sweet bowre.

Why stand ye still ye virgins in amaze,

Upon her so to gaze,

Whiles ye forget your former lay to sing,

To which the woods did answer, and your eccho ring?

But if ye saw that which no eyes can see,

The inward beauty of her lively spright,

Garnisht with Heavenly guifts of high degree,

Much more then would ye wonder at that sight,

And stand astonisht lyke to those which red

Medusaes mazeful hed.

There dwels sweet love, and constant chastity,

Unspotted fayth, and comely womanhood,

Regard of honour, and mild modesty;

There vertue ranes as Queene in royal throne,

And giveth lawes alone,

The which the base affections doe obay,

And yeeld theyr services unto her will;

Ne thought of thing uncomely ever may

Thereto approch to tempt her mind to ill.

Had ye once scene these her celestial threasures,

And unrevealéd pleasures,

Then would ye wonder, and her prayses sing,

That al the woods should answer, and your echo ring.

-- Edmund Spencer; from Epithalamion

An Acquired Taste

Beauty of the common sort

is like last week's chardonnay--sweet, but bland

quickly drunk

and as quickly forgotten

But every now and then,

perhaps once in a lifetime

or twice, if a man is fortunate,

he meets with a woman

whose beauty is like a great Burgundy

deep, rich, complex, sublime,

full of character and texture,

each drop of which must be relished slowly

with discernment and savour

whose sharp acids and strong tannins

are inherent to its appeal;

but, if drunk too quickly,

bites the tongue and burns the throat

Such a woman,

she whose beauty is real

and invisible

shines with a mystical light,

like the glow of pure gold

The light of Faerie--

radiant with colours that cannot be seen by mortal eye

Those who have it not

paint and gild themselves

and hate those who do

But flash and sparkle are not light

Glitter and rhinestones are not jewels

But even among precious gems
thou, my love, art a Silmaril
Even among fine wines

thou, my love, art a sip from the Grail

-- M.S. du Pré

"The Lord seeks a heart full to overflowing with love for God and our neighbor." -- St. Seraphim of Sarov

Ubi Caritas

Translation:



Where charity and love are, God is there.

Christ's love has gathered us into one.

Let us rejoice and be pleased in Him.

Let us fear, and let us love the living God.

And may we love each other with a sincere heart.

Where charity and love are, God is there.

As we are gathered into one body,

Beware, lest we be divided in mind.

Let evil impulses stop, let controversy cease,

And may Christ our God be in our midst.

Where charity and love are, God is there.

And may we with the saints also,

See Thy face in glory, O Christ our God:

The joy that is immense and good,

Unto the ages through infinite ages. Amen.

Let Us Love One Another

"Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God; and every one that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God. He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love. In this was manifested the love of God toward us, because that God sent his only-begotten Son into the world, that we might live through him. Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us, and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we ought also to love one another. No man hath seen God at any time. If we love one another, God Dwelleth in us, and his love is perfected in us. Hereby know we that we dwell in him, and he in us, because he hath given us of his Spirit. And we have seen and do testify that the Father sent the Son to be the Saviour of the world. Whosever shall confess that Jesus is the Son of God, God dwelleth in him, and he in God. And we have known and believed that love that God hath to us. God is love; and he that dwelleth in love dwelleth in God, and God in him. Herein is our love made perfect, that we may have boldness in the day of judgment: because as he is, so are we in this world. There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love. We love him, because he first loved us. If a man say, I love God, and hateth his brother, he is a liar: for he that loveth not his brother whom he hath seen, how can he love God whom he hath not seen? And this commandment have we from him That he who loveth God love his brother also." -- 1 John 4

"A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another. By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another." -- John 13:34-35

"He that hath my commandments, and keepeth them, he it is that loveth me: and he that loveth me shall be loved of my Father, and I will love him, and will manifest myself to him." -- John 14:21

"If a man love me, he will keep my words: and my Father will love him, and we will come unto him, and make our abode with him." -- John 14:23

"...right now, on this very day, ask forgiveness of those you've offended, and offer it to those who have offended you. Be reconciled, if you can. Don't live as if you have all the time in the world, because you don't." -- Rod Dreher

Breathtaking...

...and heartbreaking

The Neighbors Come for a Visit

I saw one of these cubs a couple of weeks ago, and wondered when I'd see the mother. It seems this one somehow found his way into my (unused) chicken coop, and got stuck. Mommy couldn't figure out how to get him out, and was beginning to panic. She and the other cub kept going over to a tree and starting to climb it, then looking back at the stuck one, as if they were saying, "Look, just climb the tree. Like this, see?"

After watching (and filming, for you) for a while, I decided that the only decent thing to do was try to help. So I went back inside, got dressed, and grabbed my rifle. The plan was to scare the mother away, using a shot into the trees if necessary, long enough to grab the cub and get him over the fence. Yes, Mother, I know. Breathe. But I couldn't leave him stuck and scared like that.

Remember, kids, don't try this at home. I've had years of practice being an idiot.

No need to worry, though, because my presence alone was enough to frighten the poor little guy into a frantic effort to climb the fence, and the little family scurried safely away into the forest. Sorry I couldn't get that part on video: I thought I needed to be attentive to what I was doing once I got close to them, and not distracted by trying to film it.

The Scarlet Letter

Psalm 88

O Lord God of my salvation, I have cried day and night before thee:

O let my prayer enter into thy presence, incline thine ear unto my calling;

For my soul is full of trouble, and my life draweth nigh unto the grave.

I am counted as one of them that go down into the pit,

and I am even as a man that hath no strength;

Cast off among the dead, like unto them that are slain, and lie in the grave,

who are out of remembrance,
and are cut away from thy hand.

Thou has laid me in the lowest pit,
in a place of darkness, and in the deep.

Thine indignation lieth hard upon me,
and thou hast vexed me with all thy storms.

Thou hast put away mine acquaintance far from me,

and made me abhorred of them.

I am so fast in prison that I cannot get forth.

My sight faileth for very trouble;

Lord, I have called daily upon thee,

I have stretched forth my hands unto thee.

Dost thou show wonders among the dead?

or shall the dead rise up again, and praise thee?

Shall thy loving-kindness be showed in the Hades?

or thy faithfulness in Hell?

Shall thy wondrous works be known in the dark?

and thy righteousness in the land where all things are forgotten?

Unto thee have I cried, O Lord; and early shall my prayer come before thee.

Lord, why abhorrest thou my soul,
and hidest thou thy face from me?

I am in misery, and like unto him that is at the point to die;

even from my youth up, thy terrors have I suffered with a troubled mind.

Thy wrathful displeasure goeth over me,
and the fear of thee hath undone me.

They came round about me daily like water,
and compassed me together on every side.

My lovers and friends hast thou put away from me,

and hid mine acqaintance out of my sight.

"Nature discovers her secrets and yields her treasures only to diligent and thoughtful labour."

-- Andrew Murray

Mr. Morgan's Last Love

Beowulf by Tolkien!

Just happened across this in the bookstore today:

Yay! I've been wishing for this since Christopher released a snippet of his father's translation 10 or 15 years ago, but I had no idea they were actually working on getting it to press. One of the advantages of avoiding news and current events: you get these kinds of surprises.

Seamus Heaney's translation was nice, but it had a Celtic lyricism that I don't think really suited the material. Tolkien, on the other hand, was not only a master of Old Aenglisc, but thoroughly devoted to the mythos of his ancestors. As well as being an absolute genius of a linguist. The snippet I'd previously read was tantalizing, in that it preserved the vigour and rhythm of the original.

"What matters in life are not great deeds, but great love." -- St. Therese of Lisieux

With Christ in the School of Prayer

"In temporal things we are still less able to avail ourselves of the wonderful liberty our Father has given us to ask what we need. And even when we know what to ask, how much there is still needed to make prayer acceptable. It must be to the glory of God, in full surrender to His will, in full assurance of faith, in the name of Jesus and with a perseverance that, if need be, refuses to be denied." -- Andrew Murray

Prayer for Reconciliation

I would like to ask for your prayers. I have suffered a breach with people whom I love very much, and who have been very dear to me. Please pray that there will be not only complete reconciliation between us, but even greater love than before. I miss them.

Thank you.

Psalm 27

The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear?

The Lord is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?

When the wicked, even mine enemies and my foes,

came upon me to eat up my flesh,

they stumbled and fell.

Though an host should encamp against me, my heart shall not fear:

though war should rise against me, in this will I be confident.

One thing have I desired of the Lord, that will I seek after;

that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life,

to behold the beauty of the Lord, and to inquire in his temple.

For in the time of trouble he shall hide me in his pavilion:

in the secret of his tabernacle shall he hide me;

he shall set me up upon a rock.

And now shall my head be lifted up above mine enemies round about me:

therefore will I offer in his tabernacle sacrifices of joy;

I will sing, yea, I will sing praises unto the Lord.

Hear, O Lord, when I cry with my voice:

have mercy also upon me, and answer me.

When thou saidst, Seek ye my face;

my heart said unto thee, Thy face, Lord will I seek.

Hide not thy face far from me;

put not thy servant away in anger:

thou hast been my help; leave me not,

neither forsake me, O God of my salvation.

When my father and my mother forsake me,

then the Lord will take me up

Teach me thy way, O Lord, and lead me in a plain path, because of mine enemies.

Deliver me not over unto the will of mine enemies:

for false witnesses are risen up against me,

and such as breathe out cruelty.

I should utterly have fainted,

unless I had believed to see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.

Wait on the Lord:

be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart:

wait, I say, on the Lord.

"It is a characteristic of the power and vehemence of love that all things seem possible to it."

-- St. John of the Cross

Amanda Shires - Garden Song

Sorry, Amanda. And sorry to others for whom I've done the same. Oh, what a mess I've made, indeed.