"Feelings are like children: you don't want them driving the car, but you don't wanna stuff 'em in the trunk either."

-- Unknown

Eternal Light Shine upon Zoe

My best friend from high school, Eric Myers' 17-year-old daughter committed suicide a few days ago. Eric wrote and recorded this song for her when she was a little girl. Rest in peace, Zoe, and the Lord have mercy upon you.

How Not to Get Your Ass Kicked by the Police

This is one of the best things I've seen in ages. Sorry about the language.

"Love without courage and wisdom is sentimentality, as with the ordinary church member. Courage without love and wisdom is foolhardiness, as with the ordinary soldier. Wisdom without love and courage is cowardice, as with the ordinary intellectual. Therefore one who has love, courage, and wisdom is the one in a million who moves the world, as with Jesus, Buddha, and Gandhi." -- Ammon Hennacy

My Life, More Army Pics

Just reconnected with some old Army buddies, and found some more pictures to add.

Hanging out in the barracks 

You can't see me... 

 The inside of a tank

I'm cold just remembering this. Tanks have heaters. Unfortunately, when you're tactical, you're not allowed to use them.

I'm saddened to learn that so many of my old friends from the Army struggle with the same kind of issues that I do. But it also makes me feel a little better about myself: less pathetic and weak.

Wednesday Night Waltz

Soon my friends will be meeting on Wednesday nights again, enjoying the warmth of food and fellowship, and the light of learning. I'll miss them.

My Life in Pictures, continued

My Grandparents. Grandpa died just after this, then Grandma, years later: both from cancer. And both refused treatment--just stayed at home and let the disease run its course. I'm sad, and I miss them, but I get it: it was wonderful to have them to talk to and visit, sometimes, but sitting around totally alone, with no real friends or purpose in life, waiting for a child or grandchild to call every once in a while is just not enough to live for. I didn't understand then, but I definitely do now.

 

My wife had this blown up and hung it over Bethany's bed while I was away at war, so she could sleep.

 Playing video games with the boys

Playing GI Joes with the boys

At the airport, coming home from the war

Official Army photo from my last tour of duty

Out somewhere in Germany; Freilandsmuseum, I think: a reconstructed pre-industrial village. Very cool. With Adina.

Home from hunting, with my friend Palmer and his ginormous dog Duke

With the kids, in my hospital bed in the living room

Getting the kids baptized. I had progressed from a walker to this crutch.

 Disney World. Only a cane, now.

Playing Star Wars with Michael. I played with the girls, too, there just don't seem to be any pictures of me playing Barbies. ;)

Not actually a mugshot, despite its appearance

My brother's wedding. Onasaki Mitsuo-san, beside me, is a real Samurai of ten generations' heritage, and teaches Japanese swordsmanship.

 Another at the wedding. Onasaki-san and I declared war on all the bottles in the house.

dyin' alone

Don't read too much into it. It's just a song I like.

My Life, More Pictures

The birth of our first daughter, Bethany. And my first attempt at a beard. 1989.

The kids. Must have been 1991.

In my police academy uniform. You can see the pallor from fatigue and the bags under my eyes. That's our youngest, Adina, beside me. 1992.

The kids and me at the office Christmas party: Alamosa County Sherrif's Department, 1993. That's the captain in the Santa suit.

The family, when I was a deputy sheriff: 1993 or so. Toby is making his first look: we call it "Blue Steel". He should have been a male model.

The ex and me in Germany, 1994. Can't believe I'm still wearing that calculator watch.

With Bethany, outside the in-laws' house. I was almost in shape to go to Special Forces selection.

"In spite of everything you've done for them, eventually, they'll hate you."

-- Stan Lee

My Life in Pictures, Parts I-III

Here are some photos to go with the parts I've posted so far. I've already shared some from my early time in the Army, so I won't re-post them. (See 4/25/14).

Me

My family

Christmas! 

Daddy

My favorite toy: GI Joe

This was supposed to be Minas Tirith. But there's only so much you can do with sand.

Did I mention that I'd been a pirate?

John Denver - Poems, Prayers & Promises

I read somewhere that, though it was not one of his big hits, this was one of John Denver's favorite songs, and he included it in greatest hits collections just because he liked it.

I met him once. I was in Aspen, trying to get a job with their police department. Their process included having applicants in whom they were seriously interested come up and spend a week riding along with them, and while I was doing that John was in there because of a D.U.I. I didn't get the job, but it was a pretty cool week anyway: Aspen's a great place and I'd probably never have gone otherwise.

'One does not have to swallow poison or hug a dagger, my dear, to commit suicide. One can kill oneself and remain alive physically.'

-- Lloyd C. Douglas

...and when they've given their all, some stagger, and fall. After all, it's not easy; banging your heart against some mad bugger's wall.

-- Roger Waters

I'll Fly Away

The first time I ever heard this song was at a church retreat in Interlaken, Switzerland. This sweet girl, Marina Woods, sang it in harmony with a couple of others--she had the voice of an angel. I had a big ole crush on Marina, but she was the archetypal good Christian girl, and beautiful, with long, curly hair, and I was a long-haired, grungy, guitar-playing freak. Then, on the last day of the last retreat we were on together before we both moved back to the States, she came up and gave me a big hug and said something sweet. So we wrote to each other for a while, but of course she met someone at college and fell in love, and got married, and that was that. Still think of her every time I hear this song, though.

Angel Band

I had no earthly hope--but faith,
And that forbade a selfish death.

-- Lord Byron

Though he slay me, yet will I trust in him.

-- Job 13:15

“If you want to improve, be content to be thought foolish and stupid.”

-- Epictetus

What is Hell? Hell is oneself, Hell is alone, the other figures in it merely projections. There is nothing to escape from and nothing to escape to. One is always alone.

-- T.S. Eliot

God is love; and he that dwelleth in love dwelleth in God, and God in him.

There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.

If a man say, 'I love God', but hateth his brother, he is a liar: for he that loveth not his brother whom he hath seen, how can he love God whom he hath not seen?

-- 1 John 4:16, 18, 20