As I said before, most of Harry's detractors have never read any of the books, so they don't know what is really in them. A few claim to have read one, or read "enough of it to judge", but to be honest, I doubt them.
If they had read the first book even, then I can't see how any Christian would have missed the fact that Harry, as a baby, was saved from Voldemort's evil killing curse by his mother's sacrifice. And that sacrifice; her laying down her life for him, provided him with a protection that prevented Voldemort or anyone being controlled by Voldemort from harming, or even touching him. Does this sound familiar? Let me help you: the Blood of Christ.
Now I can hear some of the most narrow-minded of you objecting that Harry's mother is not Jesus, and that now the book is evil because it's trying to replace Christ with someone else, and is therefore idolatrous. But that's absolute nonsense. Harry's mother is not supposed to be a Messiah: she's simply a woman whose actions resemble those of Jesus--in other words, she's following His example. Literature is full of Christ-types and Christ-like characters and actions, as well it should be. C.S. Lewis's Aslan, for example, whom Christians almost universally love. (More on this later)
Further on in the series, we begin to learn the secret power behind the mysterious protection which Harry's mother's sacrifice affords him, and indeed, the power which Harry possesses but Voldemort does not, and which he must tap into in order to defeat him. That power is Love. I was going to say that Christians need not be reminded that Love is also the main theme of the Bible, of Christ's life and teaching, and of the Christian life. But then I remembered reality, and that Christians actually very sadly DO need to be reminded of that. So, go back to your Bibles and read 1 John 4 and 1 Corinthians 13. And the rest of it, come to that.
Then, at its end, it turns out that the only way Harry can defeat the Dark Lord and free the world from his evil and tyranny is to lay his own life down for the good of others. And we're back to the same theme, but on a larger scale. Again, Harry is not a replacement Jesus: he's not represented as the Savior of the World, and he's not providing eternal life. He is a Christ-type, not a Christ; a smaller, metaphorical copy which helps us to comprehend and understand the larger original.
There are many other examples of themes which can be seen as Christian in the books: courage, hope, unselfishness, tolerance, forgiveness, self-sacrifice, goodness, kindness, friendship, forbearance, charity, patience, endurance, not returning evil for evil but overcoming evil with good. In fact, Christian virtues can be found in every chapter and on virtually every page. To cite them all would be to basically reproduce all seven books.
So what is it that so many Christians object to, mostly without ever having really read the books for themselves? Magic? No, it can't be; or if it is, they are hypocrites, because The Chronicles of Narnia and The Lord of the Rings both have magic, and Christians love those. Magic in this world, as opposed to a world in an alternate universe? No, because The Lord of the Rings takes place in this world, just in the legendary past.
I contend that the answer is one word: witchcraft. I believe that these Christians saw that word, and immediately, without any further examination or consideration, succumbed to a reflexive reaction of hysteria. Wizards are okay; Gandalf is a wizard. But if you say "witch" among these kinds of Christians, it's like saying "bomb" at an airport--it doesn't matter what you really meant, in what context you said it, or even what the rest of the sentence was (for instance, "I DON'T have a bomb.") The word itself causes a hysterical and extreme reaction, and I believe, now, constitutes a felony. "Witch" is okay, in Narnia, because the witch is evil. But if you use it in a positive sense, then you are seeking to lead children astray into following the Devil.
Rowling, however, uses the word "witch", not in the sense in which it was understood in the late Middle Ages, and even up into the early modern age. That is, as one who practices black magic and is in league with the Devil. She uses it in its older, and more linguistically accurate sense; that is, as the modern form of wicce, which simply meant a female practitioner of magic (being the feminine form of wicca, a male practitioner). Yes, it is the word which modern neopagans have chosen to call themselves by. But it is just a word nonetheless, and just because it is used does not mean that one is in any way associated with that group. For example, Christian Scientists: just because one is either a Christian or a scientist (or both) does not make one a member of that religion. Anyway, Rowling uses the word "witch" as the logical feminine equivalent of the masculine "wizard" because, although slightly different in origin, they are the only suitable words of that meaning still in common use in our language. So, in short, "witch" in Harry Potter doesn't mean "practitioner of black magic in league with the devil". It means "female wizard". And "witchcraft" is likewise just the feminine form of "wizardry". The two somewhat different words are necessary because there is, in our language, no masculine form of "witch" and no feminine form of "wizard". She could have coined a term such as "wizardess" or "witcher", but that would have been clumsy and jarring, and was really unnecessary except to appease the minority who are the subject of this post, and who may or may not have given her a chance anyhow. But both are used in the fictional, fantastic sense referring to her created system of magic, and not in reference to any form of real-world occultism whatsoever. (https://www.etymonline.com/word/witch?ref=etymonline_crossreference)
Among these Christians, this is part of a larger sustained mass hysteria related to all things "occult", and really, in many circles, all things supernatural whatsoever, which is tragically ironic. Dungeons and Dragons. Heavy Metal music. Meditation. Any form of healing or therapy that is not scientific Western medicine. Halloween. Aliens and UFOs. Martial Arts. Some even include truly silly things, like Japanese flower arranging. Other groups go to even more ridiculous extremes, and proscribe Disney movies, fairy tales, and all fantasy novels and movies. Or having pictures of dragons in your house. Or playing cards, because playing cards are descended from Tarot cards. I came across one which includes abstract art, because it's "hypnotic" (and hypnosis is an evil form of mind-magic). Many include the practices of other Christian groups in their list: Some non-charismatics claim that charismatic manifestations are demonic (which is the exact thing that the Pharisees were saying about Jesus when he told them that the one unforgivable sin was blasphemy against the Holy Spirit). Some Protestants view Catholic sacraments and liturgy as magic and superstition; other only include peripheral Catholic practices and phenomena, such as Marian apparitions, relics, and Stigmata. And while most Christians love the works of C.S. Lewis and J.R.R. Tolkien, both of whom were avowed Christians, a few view even those as occult and diabolical. I could go on citing examples ad nauseaum, but you get the idea.
While we're on the subject of words, let us also address the word "occult", which comes close to "witchcraft" in inciting panic and hatred. Occult simply means "hidden". Nothing more, nothing less. (https://www.etymonline.com/word/occult)
I am tempted to be harsh in my criticism of these prejudicial fears. But let us be patient and charitable. I myself, once upon a time, was confused on certain of these issues, and even embraced a few of them, having been influenced by certain teachers and preachers when I was young and naive. Well, relatively naive.
The charitable view is that people fear what they don't understand. And the problem is that so much of the Church has taught that certain knowledge is intrinsically forbidden, so that Christians can't understand these things, and therefore must take the word of their leaders that they are bad. But the leaders themselves, in most cases, haven't studied these things, and are only repeating what they've heard. This is precisely why I have studied the occult; because I wanted to understand for myself, and form my own judgments. Same reason I study the Bible, theology, and church history for myself. Same reason I read the Church Fathers first-hand, rather than just accepting what someone else says they say.
So, rather than harsh words, I will use the word ignorant to describe the people who engage in this hysteria and fear-mongering. And while that has some unkind connotations, its true meaning is just a lacking of knowledge. And that is what is behind it: ignorance; a lack of knowledge. A lack of both intellectual knowledge, in that they don't understand the true nature of the occult, or of things which they think or fear are occult; and of experiential knowledge, in that they haven't investigated or explored these things for themselves, or in the case of Harry Potter, haven't read the books.
I don't expect everybody to have read as many books as I have. And I don't claim that in-depth study of the nature and history of magic and the occult is for everyone: it can be perilous, and requires a certain maturity and strength of character. But I do wish Christians would take the time to learn some things for themselves, rather than being led by the nose into ignorant hysteria. And I wish even more that they would be guided by Love, rather than fear, prejudice, and judgmentalism.
Saturday, February 24, 2018
Friday, February 23, 2018
Christians and Harry Potter, Part I: Addressing the Accusations
I have a hard time not getting angry at Christians who talk about Harry Potter as if it's the Necronomicon, and J.K. Rowling the Antichrist.
I am a Christian. You know that. I am a serious Christian. Very, very serious. I am a Christian mystic, meaning I have a direct, personal, supernatural relationship with God, and have experienced His presence in very real ways. I am born-again. I am Spirit-filled. I am even a fundamentalist, in the original and most accurate sense of that word, meaning that I am a traditionalist in my theology, rather than a modernist or progressive, and that I believe the Bible is literal and authoritative, rather than approaching it from the "higher critical" or metaphorical point of view. And I love Harry Potter. In fact, I think it's the best thing that's been published since Tolkien.
The latest stupidity I've encountered, the one which prompted this post, came not from some hick preacher who's never read anything but the Bible, or goofy televangelist who may not have even read that, but from a Roman Catholic priest: highly educated, articulate, and well-informed on other matters. But, like the other Potter-bashers, he's obviously never read any of the books. His accusations include the ones most often recited by the other anti-Potterites, so let us use them as the basis for our rebuttal.
This priest claims:
1) That Rowling researched actual magic in order to write the books, and that she "went to witch school" before she wrote them.
2) That the spells and incantations in Harry Potter correspond to real-world spells
3) That there was a woman in Spain who decided to try the spell for fire, and burned her house down.
4) That 60 percent of the names in Harry Potter are actual names of demons.
5) That children have become possessed just by reading the books.
6) That, during an exorcism, 5 demons claimed to have inspired her to write the books.
Let us, rather than being snarky and dismissive, examine these assertions rationally.
1) Whether or how much research she did cannot be known for certain except for her own statements on the subject. But it can be inferred by comparing the books to real-world, historical occult texts and other historical sources. As far as her own claims, the only statement on record is that “She has told us that she owns her own personal copy of Culpeper's Herbal—that’s a 17th century book relating to the cultivation of plants and she used that to give her inspiration—for the herbology as well as the naming of characters,” (https://www.thedailybeast.com/the-magic-that-inspired-jk-rowling-to-create-harry-potter). Indirectly, there is an exhibition at the British museum of real-world magical texts and artifacts which relate to the Harry Potter books. (https://www.bl.uk/events/harry-potter-a-history-of-magic)
It is clear, to anyone who has any knowledge whatsoever of the real-world history of "magic" that Rowling did her research when it comes to things like the names of historical and literary figures such as Paracelsus, Agrippa, and Merlin, artifacts like the philosopher's stone and the hand of glory, and miscellaneous details like potion ingredients and the linguistic idiom of ancient magical texts. This, however, is not evidence of occultism: it is evidence of good writing. Research is how writers create depth, atmosphere, and believability. The above-mentioned museum exhibit confirms exactly this. But researching the details of historical and literary magic in order to create a convincing fictional world is a far cry from "going to witch school" or learning actual witchcraft (by which I assume they mean modern Wiccanism) in order to insidiously weave forbidden occult knowledge into the texts and ensnare innocent readers. Whether there is such a thing as "witch school" is debatable. I suppose it could refer to a formal or semi-formal education program for practitioners of Wicca, which do exist. All religions, even recent and made-up ones, have that. Rowling says that she is a Christian and not a Wiccan, and in fact, that Wicca is the only real-world religion not represented in Harry Potter because it and the fictional system of magic in her books "cannot coexist". (http://www.independent.co.uk/arts-entertainment/books/jk-rowling-the-only-religionbelief-system-not-represented-at-hogwarts-is-wicca-9930337.html)
But there is yet another aspect of this question to be considered. What we, in the modern, post-"enlightenment", rationalist, materialist world label broadly "magic" or "the occult" was not nearly so sharply divided by historical minds. The roots of medicine, chemistry, physics, astronomy, pharmacology, psychology, and virtually all the other sciences lie in what most now would call occultism. Healers, including Christian monks and nuns, mixed incantations with herbal lore and other medical treatments. Alchemists studied all sorts of elements and substances, not just lead and gold, and they related them directly to the influences of stars and planets. Astrologers and astronomers were the same thing. Authors such as Isaac Newton, Francis Bacon, Roger Bacon, and Paracelsus were both scientists and occultists, and were also Christians in good standing with their church (although the relationship was sometimes rocky). These things, such as the influence of the planets, the five elements, and the properties of herbs and stones, were simply part of their paradigm. In those days, the dichotomy was seen as being between these types of practices and black magic, usually referred to then as necromancy, in the case of "high magic" practitioners, who were usually educated, literate, aristocratic, male, and very often clergy, or witchcraft in the case of "low magic" practitioners, who were usually common, uneducated, and most often (but not always) female. The latter were much easier to catch and prosecute, just as the rich and powerful today are less frequently prosecuted or convicted for their crimes.
In this, Harry Potter's world resembles that world; that is, its paradigm is like the paradigm of the Mediaeval, Renaissance, and Classical ages. Except that Rowling's created fictional system of magic completely replaces the real-world one. The magic that Harry and his friends study at Hogwarts stands in the stead of what we, looking back, might call "white magic," but that would not be an accurate way to characterize it from the point of view of the people who lived in those ages. To be more accurate, it stands in the stead of their natural and metaphysical philosophy, and a bevy of practical applications thereof, only a very small percentage of which they would have considered "magical" in the more accurate sense of that word, that is, enchantment or spell-casting. And the black arts of those times; what they would have termed necromancy and witchcraft, is replaced in Potterworld by the fictional black arts which its author created out of her own imagination. In that world, this fictional version of the pre-enlightenment paradigm continues to exist alongside the post-enlightenment one in which we live, and constitutes the world of "muggles", that is, non-magical people. The important thing to carry away here is that Rowling replaced real-world occultism, both good and bad, with an entirely make-believe one, which only resembles the real one in external details, which similarity serves to give her fictional world depth, atmosphere, and believability, so that it can, in the readers' imaginations, fit into our own past, thereby grounding us in that world and enabling us to experience her world more fully. This is the same thing Tolkien did by setting his Middle-Earth in an imaginary past age of our own world, rather than on some alien planet or in an alternate dimension.
2) Like Rowling, and unlike her detractors, I have studied both historical and, to a lesser extent, modern neopagan magic. As an academic field of inquiry, not because I am a wizard. I have also read the Koran and the Book of Mormon, but that doesn't make me either a Muslim or a Mormon. This question can be easily laid to rest by a simple comparison of example spells from each.
Harry Potter spell: Cave Inimicum
The caster waves his magic wand, and says "Cave Inimicum". This spell hides the wizard from his enemies. "Cave Inimicum" is Latin and means "Beware the enemy". (Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, chapter 14)
Most of the spells in Harry Potter follow this pattern: a simple phrase in Latin or another language, such as French or Old English, which describes the effect of the spell, sometimes humorously for those who understand the language, and a prescribed wand movement. In a very few cases, more powerful or difficult spells are more elaborate and require several steps or preparation. But a) in every case where a ritual is actually described, it is evil, dark magic. Possible rituals may be inferred for a very few good spells, but it is never actually stated that it is so. And b) those ritual spells described are entirely fictional, made up by Rowling, and correspond to no real-world spell, either historical or modern.
Wiccan spell: Invisibility Spell
For this Invisibility Spell, You will need: A small pocket mirror
Before beginning the invisibility spell, cleanse your mirror with whichever method you usually use. Smudging it with white sage is a good classic cleansing method.
Cast your circle and call upon any guardian spirits that you feel inclined to call upon, or call upon the God and Goddess if you wish. Some ideas for gods and goddesses that would be suitable for this are: Hecate, Isis, Odin, Freya, Thoth, Circe.
Next, hold the mirror facing away from you, and with your arm outstretched, start slowly turning around widdershins (anticlockwise). Turn three times, and while doing so, visualise the aura of invisibility being created: in your mind’s eye, see a shimmery silver-grey light surround you. See all the objects within this aura of light turn blurry, and eventually taking on a reflection of the surrounding area. Visualise everything within the circle of your outstretched arm becoming merely a reflection of the surrounding area, so that you cannot be seen.
Once you have turned around three times and visualised your area of invisibility, repeat the following incantation:
Though they look, they shall not see,
Magic mirror, grant me invisibility.
An it harm none, So mote it be.
Thank your guardians, and close the circle.
Now, whenever you want to be invisible from the sight of other people, carry the magic mirror with you. The spell will be stronger if you take time to perform a quick visualisation of the aura of invisibility surrounding you before placing the mirror in your bag or pocket.
When you are out and about with your invisibility mirror, take care to keep your movements still and calm, and do not look anyone in the eye or touch them. Do not speak, and be as silent as possible.
You will not be physically invisible, but the people around you will tend not to notice you, especially if you are not in their direct line of vision. The aura of invisibility will obscure you from their vision and make it seem like you are not there.
(http://wiccanspells.info/invisibility-spell/)
Historical spell: How to Render Oneself Invisible
IF thou wishest to perform the Experiment of Invisibility, thou shalt follow the instructions for the same. If it be necessary to observe the day and the hour, thou shalt do as is said in their Chapters. But if thou needest not observe the day and the hour as marked in the Chapter thereon, thou shalt do as taught in the Chapter which precedeth it. If in the course of the experiment it be necessary to write anything, it should be done as is described in the Chapters pertaining thereto, with the proper pen, paper, and ink, or blood. But if the matter is to be accomplished by invocation, before thy conjurations, thou shalt say devoutly in thine heart:--
This operation being thus prepared, if there be an especial Conjuration to perform, thou shalt repeat it in the proper manner; if not, thou shalt say the general Conjuration, at the end of which thou shalt add the following words:--
But, on the contrary, if thou lettest any of these things escape thee, or if thou despiseth them, never shalt thou be able to arrive at thy proposed end; as, for example, we enter not easily into a fenced city over its walls but through its gates.
(from The Key of Solomon, one of, if not the oldest and best-known historical grimoires of magic)
I have included the entire texts of the spells, including the conjuratory names, believing that my readers are mature and responsible enough not to do anything silly like recite them aloud. But I have omitted the magical sigils as both unnecessary for making my point, and potentially spiritually dangerous.
3) The woman in Spain who burned her house down, although inspired by Harry Potter, did not cast a spell. She was actually trying to cook up a potion with ingredients including oil and alcohol. Nothing magical there: just plain old Muggle stupidity. (https://www.theglobeandmail.com/arts/potter-fans-magic-sets-house-ablaze/article4128783/)
4) One of the reasons I included the names of the spirits in section 2 is so that you can compare them to the names in Harry Potter. Other examples of demonic names are found in Scripture, such as Beelzebub, Asmodeus, Abaddon, Belial, Mammon, and Legion. Also there are the names of the idolatrous gods of the Near East, such as Ba'al, Asherah, Molech, Bel, Tammuz, Ammon, Dagon, and Chemosh.
The names in Harry Potter, on the other hand, are mostly simple English names, or French, Russian, or what-have-you in the case of foreign witches and wizards. A few are creative (and usually humorous), mostly based on Old English, Latin, or other-language puns and jokes. For example, Dumbledore is an archaic English word for bumblebee, and represents something of the headmaster's character. Malfoy is French for "bad faith". Ludo means "I play" in Latin. The herbalogical textbook One Thousand Magical Herbs and Fungi was written by Phyllida Spore: phyllida is Greek for "green bough", and spore, I hope, needs no explanation. Other names are simply historical, such as Paracelsus and Nicholas Flamel, or literary, such as Merlin and Circe.
I have read all seven books at least ten times, and have never once come across a single name which I recognized as demonic or even pagan, except in reference to mythology.
5) and 6) are related, in that both claims are made as having been things learned by the speaking priest from accounts of Catholic exorcisms. Now, I believe in demons. I believe in possession. I believe in exorcism and deliverance. So, whether you do or not, let us examine them as though these things are real. Firstly, these accounts are hearsay and rumor; second- and third-hand stories, and furthermore are related by someone whom we have already demonstrated (by number 3, above) either does not check his facts or misrepresents them. But let us grant for the sake of argument, that these accounts are actually true, insofar as the exorcists or witnesses concerned related factual accounts. And let us further grant that the possessed, or the demons speaking through the possessed, actually said these things. There is still a major problem: demons are liars.
This has become quite long, so I am going to divide it into two parts. I will end this one, having addressed and countered each of the negative assertions made against J.K. Rowling and Harry Potter. In the next part, I will demonstrate that Harry Potter is actually full of Christian themes and moral lessons, and consider the motives of those who revile it.
I am a Christian. You know that. I am a serious Christian. Very, very serious. I am a Christian mystic, meaning I have a direct, personal, supernatural relationship with God, and have experienced His presence in very real ways. I am born-again. I am Spirit-filled. I am even a fundamentalist, in the original and most accurate sense of that word, meaning that I am a traditionalist in my theology, rather than a modernist or progressive, and that I believe the Bible is literal and authoritative, rather than approaching it from the "higher critical" or metaphorical point of view. And I love Harry Potter. In fact, I think it's the best thing that's been published since Tolkien.
The latest stupidity I've encountered, the one which prompted this post, came not from some hick preacher who's never read anything but the Bible, or goofy televangelist who may not have even read that, but from a Roman Catholic priest: highly educated, articulate, and well-informed on other matters. But, like the other Potter-bashers, he's obviously never read any of the books. His accusations include the ones most often recited by the other anti-Potterites, so let us use them as the basis for our rebuttal.
This priest claims:
1) That Rowling researched actual magic in order to write the books, and that she "went to witch school" before she wrote them.
2) That the spells and incantations in Harry Potter correspond to real-world spells
3) That there was a woman in Spain who decided to try the spell for fire, and burned her house down.
4) That 60 percent of the names in Harry Potter are actual names of demons.
5) That children have become possessed just by reading the books.
6) That, during an exorcism, 5 demons claimed to have inspired her to write the books.
Let us, rather than being snarky and dismissive, examine these assertions rationally.
1) Whether or how much research she did cannot be known for certain except for her own statements on the subject. But it can be inferred by comparing the books to real-world, historical occult texts and other historical sources. As far as her own claims, the only statement on record is that “She has told us that she owns her own personal copy of Culpeper's Herbal—that’s a 17th century book relating to the cultivation of plants and she used that to give her inspiration—for the herbology as well as the naming of characters,” (https://www.thedailybeast.com/the-magic-that-inspired-jk-rowling-to-create-harry-potter). Indirectly, there is an exhibition at the British museum of real-world magical texts and artifacts which relate to the Harry Potter books. (https://www.bl.uk/events/harry-potter-a-history-of-magic)
It is clear, to anyone who has any knowledge whatsoever of the real-world history of "magic" that Rowling did her research when it comes to things like the names of historical and literary figures such as Paracelsus, Agrippa, and Merlin, artifacts like the philosopher's stone and the hand of glory, and miscellaneous details like potion ingredients and the linguistic idiom of ancient magical texts. This, however, is not evidence of occultism: it is evidence of good writing. Research is how writers create depth, atmosphere, and believability. The above-mentioned museum exhibit confirms exactly this. But researching the details of historical and literary magic in order to create a convincing fictional world is a far cry from "going to witch school" or learning actual witchcraft (by which I assume they mean modern Wiccanism) in order to insidiously weave forbidden occult knowledge into the texts and ensnare innocent readers. Whether there is such a thing as "witch school" is debatable. I suppose it could refer to a formal or semi-formal education program for practitioners of Wicca, which do exist. All religions, even recent and made-up ones, have that. Rowling says that she is a Christian and not a Wiccan, and in fact, that Wicca is the only real-world religion not represented in Harry Potter because it and the fictional system of magic in her books "cannot coexist". (http://www.independent.co.uk/arts-entertainment/books/jk-rowling-the-only-religionbelief-system-not-represented-at-hogwarts-is-wicca-9930337.html)
But there is yet another aspect of this question to be considered. What we, in the modern, post-"enlightenment", rationalist, materialist world label broadly "magic" or "the occult" was not nearly so sharply divided by historical minds. The roots of medicine, chemistry, physics, astronomy, pharmacology, psychology, and virtually all the other sciences lie in what most now would call occultism. Healers, including Christian monks and nuns, mixed incantations with herbal lore and other medical treatments. Alchemists studied all sorts of elements and substances, not just lead and gold, and they related them directly to the influences of stars and planets. Astrologers and astronomers were the same thing. Authors such as Isaac Newton, Francis Bacon, Roger Bacon, and Paracelsus were both scientists and occultists, and were also Christians in good standing with their church (although the relationship was sometimes rocky). These things, such as the influence of the planets, the five elements, and the properties of herbs and stones, were simply part of their paradigm. In those days, the dichotomy was seen as being between these types of practices and black magic, usually referred to then as necromancy, in the case of "high magic" practitioners, who were usually educated, literate, aristocratic, male, and very often clergy, or witchcraft in the case of "low magic" practitioners, who were usually common, uneducated, and most often (but not always) female. The latter were much easier to catch and prosecute, just as the rich and powerful today are less frequently prosecuted or convicted for their crimes.
In this, Harry Potter's world resembles that world; that is, its paradigm is like the paradigm of the Mediaeval, Renaissance, and Classical ages. Except that Rowling's created fictional system of magic completely replaces the real-world one. The magic that Harry and his friends study at Hogwarts stands in the stead of what we, looking back, might call "white magic," but that would not be an accurate way to characterize it from the point of view of the people who lived in those ages. To be more accurate, it stands in the stead of their natural and metaphysical philosophy, and a bevy of practical applications thereof, only a very small percentage of which they would have considered "magical" in the more accurate sense of that word, that is, enchantment or spell-casting. And the black arts of those times; what they would have termed necromancy and witchcraft, is replaced in Potterworld by the fictional black arts which its author created out of her own imagination. In that world, this fictional version of the pre-enlightenment paradigm continues to exist alongside the post-enlightenment one in which we live, and constitutes the world of "muggles", that is, non-magical people. The important thing to carry away here is that Rowling replaced real-world occultism, both good and bad, with an entirely make-believe one, which only resembles the real one in external details, which similarity serves to give her fictional world depth, atmosphere, and believability, so that it can, in the readers' imaginations, fit into our own past, thereby grounding us in that world and enabling us to experience her world more fully. This is the same thing Tolkien did by setting his Middle-Earth in an imaginary past age of our own world, rather than on some alien planet or in an alternate dimension.
2) Like Rowling, and unlike her detractors, I have studied both historical and, to a lesser extent, modern neopagan magic. As an academic field of inquiry, not because I am a wizard. I have also read the Koran and the Book of Mormon, but that doesn't make me either a Muslim or a Mormon. This question can be easily laid to rest by a simple comparison of example spells from each.
Harry Potter spell: Cave Inimicum
The caster waves his magic wand, and says "Cave Inimicum". This spell hides the wizard from his enemies. "Cave Inimicum" is Latin and means "Beware the enemy". (Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, chapter 14)
Most of the spells in Harry Potter follow this pattern: a simple phrase in Latin or another language, such as French or Old English, which describes the effect of the spell, sometimes humorously for those who understand the language, and a prescribed wand movement. In a very few cases, more powerful or difficult spells are more elaborate and require several steps or preparation. But a) in every case where a ritual is actually described, it is evil, dark magic. Possible rituals may be inferred for a very few good spells, but it is never actually stated that it is so. And b) those ritual spells described are entirely fictional, made up by Rowling, and correspond to no real-world spell, either historical or modern.
Wiccan spell: Invisibility Spell
For this Invisibility Spell, You will need: A small pocket mirror
Before beginning the invisibility spell, cleanse your mirror with whichever method you usually use. Smudging it with white sage is a good classic cleansing method.
Cast your circle and call upon any guardian spirits that you feel inclined to call upon, or call upon the God and Goddess if you wish. Some ideas for gods and goddesses that would be suitable for this are: Hecate, Isis, Odin, Freya, Thoth, Circe.
Next, hold the mirror facing away from you, and with your arm outstretched, start slowly turning around widdershins (anticlockwise). Turn three times, and while doing so, visualise the aura of invisibility being created: in your mind’s eye, see a shimmery silver-grey light surround you. See all the objects within this aura of light turn blurry, and eventually taking on a reflection of the surrounding area. Visualise everything within the circle of your outstretched arm becoming merely a reflection of the surrounding area, so that you cannot be seen.
Once you have turned around three times and visualised your area of invisibility, repeat the following incantation:
Though they look, they shall not see,
Magic mirror, grant me invisibility.
An it harm none, So mote it be.
Thank your guardians, and close the circle.
Now, whenever you want to be invisible from the sight of other people, carry the magic mirror with you. The spell will be stronger if you take time to perform a quick visualisation of the aura of invisibility surrounding you before placing the mirror in your bag or pocket.
When you are out and about with your invisibility mirror, take care to keep your movements still and calm, and do not look anyone in the eye or touch them. Do not speak, and be as silent as possible.
You will not be physically invisible, but the people around you will tend not to notice you, especially if you are not in their direct line of vision. The aura of invisibility will obscure you from their vision and make it seem like you are not there.
(http://wiccanspells.info/invisibility-spell/)
Historical spell: How to Render Oneself Invisible
OF THE EXPERIMENT OF INVISIBILITY, AND HOW IT SHOULD BE PERFORMED
IF thou wishest to perform the Experiment of Invisibility, thou shalt follow the instructions for the same. If it be necessary to observe the day and the hour, thou shalt do as is said in their Chapters. But if thou needest not observe the day and the hour as marked in the Chapter thereon, thou shalt do as taught in the Chapter which precedeth it. If in the course of the experiment it be necessary to write anything, it should be done as is described in the Chapters pertaining thereto, with the proper pen, paper, and ink, or blood. But if the matter is to be accomplished by invocation, before thy conjurations, thou shalt say devoutly in thine heart:--
SCEABOLES, ARBARON, ELOHI, ELIMIGITH, HERENOBULCULE, METHE, BALUTH, TIMAYAL, VILLAQUIEL, TEVENI, YEVIE, FERETE, BACUHABA, GUVARIN; through Him by Whom ye have empire and power over men, ye must accomplish this work so that I may go and remain invisible.And if it be necessary in this operation to trace a Circle, thou shalt do as is ordained in the Chapter concerning Circles; and if it be necessary to write characters, etc., thou shalt follow the instructions given in the respective Chapters.
This operation being thus prepared, if there be an especial Conjuration to perform, thou shalt repeat it in the proper manner; if not, thou shalt say the general Conjuration, at the end of which thou shalt add the following words:--
In order then to accomplish this aforesaid operation, thou must prepare all things necessary with requisite care and diligence, and put them in practice with all the general and particular ceremonies laid down for these experiments; and with all the conditions contained in our first and second Books. Thou shalt also in the same operations duly repeat the appropriate Conjurations, with all the solemnities marked in the respective Chapters. Thus shalt thou accomplish the experiment surely and without hindrance, and thus shalt thou find it true.O thou ALMIRAS, Master of Invisibility, with thy Ministers CHEROG, MAITOR, TANGEDEM, TRANSIDIM, SUVANTOS, ABELAIOS, BORED, BELAMITH, CASTUMI, DABUEL; I conjure ye by Him Who maketh Earth and Heaven to tremble, Who is seated upon the Throne of His Majesty, that this operation may be perfectly accomplished according to my will, so that at whatsoever time it may please me, I may be able to be invisible.I conjure thee anew, O ALMIRAS, Chief of Invisibility, both thee and thy Ministers, by Him through Whom all things have their being, and by SATURIEL, HARCHIEL, DANIEL, BENIEL, ASSIMONEM, that thou immediately comest hither with all thy Ministers, and achievest this operation, as thou knowest it ought to be accomplished, and that by the same operation thou render me invisible, so that none may be able to see me.
But, on the contrary, if thou lettest any of these things escape thee, or if thou despiseth them, never shalt thou be able to arrive at thy proposed end; as, for example, we enter not easily into a fenced city over its walls but through its gates.
HOW TO RENDER ONESELF INVISIBLE.
Make a small image of yellow wax, in the form of a man, in the month January and in the day and hour of Saturn, and at that time write with a needle above the crown of its head and upon its skull which thou shalt have adroitly raised, the character following. (symbol omitted) After which thou shalt replace the skull in proper position. Thou shalt then write upon a small strip of the skin of a frog or toad which thou shalt have killed, the following words and characters. (symbol omitted) Thou shalt then go and suspend the said figure by one of thy hairs from the vault of a cavern at the hour of midnight, and perfuming it with the proper incense thou shalt say:--
METATRON, MELEKH, BEROTH, NOTH, VENIBBETH, MACH, and all ye, I conjure thee, O Figure of wax, by the Living God, that by the virtue of these Characters and words, thou render me invisible, wherever I may bear thee with me. Amen.And after having censed it anew, thou shalt bury it in the same place in a small deal box, and every time that thou wishest to pass or enter into any place without being seen, thou shalt say these words, bearing the aforesaid figure in thy left pocket:--
Come unto me and never quit me whithersoever I shall go.Afterwards thou shalt take it carefully back unto the before-mentioned place and cover it with earth until thou shalt need it again.
(from The Key of Solomon, one of, if not the oldest and best-known historical grimoires of magic)
I have included the entire texts of the spells, including the conjuratory names, believing that my readers are mature and responsible enough not to do anything silly like recite them aloud. But I have omitted the magical sigils as both unnecessary for making my point, and potentially spiritually dangerous.
3) The woman in Spain who burned her house down, although inspired by Harry Potter, did not cast a spell. She was actually trying to cook up a potion with ingredients including oil and alcohol. Nothing magical there: just plain old Muggle stupidity. (https://www.theglobeandmail.com/arts/potter-fans-magic-sets-house-ablaze/article4128783/)
4) One of the reasons I included the names of the spirits in section 2 is so that you can compare them to the names in Harry Potter. Other examples of demonic names are found in Scripture, such as Beelzebub, Asmodeus, Abaddon, Belial, Mammon, and Legion. Also there are the names of the idolatrous gods of the Near East, such as Ba'al, Asherah, Molech, Bel, Tammuz, Ammon, Dagon, and Chemosh.
The names in Harry Potter, on the other hand, are mostly simple English names, or French, Russian, or what-have-you in the case of foreign witches and wizards. A few are creative (and usually humorous), mostly based on Old English, Latin, or other-language puns and jokes. For example, Dumbledore is an archaic English word for bumblebee, and represents something of the headmaster's character. Malfoy is French for "bad faith". Ludo means "I play" in Latin. The herbalogical textbook One Thousand Magical Herbs and Fungi was written by Phyllida Spore: phyllida is Greek for "green bough", and spore, I hope, needs no explanation. Other names are simply historical, such as Paracelsus and Nicholas Flamel, or literary, such as Merlin and Circe.
I have read all seven books at least ten times, and have never once come across a single name which I recognized as demonic or even pagan, except in reference to mythology.
5) and 6) are related, in that both claims are made as having been things learned by the speaking priest from accounts of Catholic exorcisms. Now, I believe in demons. I believe in possession. I believe in exorcism and deliverance. So, whether you do or not, let us examine them as though these things are real. Firstly, these accounts are hearsay and rumor; second- and third-hand stories, and furthermore are related by someone whom we have already demonstrated (by number 3, above) either does not check his facts or misrepresents them. But let us grant for the sake of argument, that these accounts are actually true, insofar as the exorcists or witnesses concerned related factual accounts. And let us further grant that the possessed, or the demons speaking through the possessed, actually said these things. There is still a major problem: demons are liars.
This has become quite long, so I am going to divide it into two parts. I will end this one, having addressed and countered each of the negative assertions made against J.K. Rowling and Harry Potter. In the next part, I will demonstrate that Harry Potter is actually full of Christian themes and moral lessons, and consider the motives of those who revile it.
Wednesday, February 21, 2018
Well, I'm not going to school.
I had hoped that Christians might use a different type of judgment--that they might actually practice Christian charity rather than cowardice and litigation-mindedness. But I suppose I was being naive: colleges are businesses. Ministries are businesses. Churches are businesses. At least, in the West.
I accept that it is the Lord's will that I not go. This was in my scripture reading this morning:
"And the Lord appeared to him and said, 'Do not go down to Egypt; dwell in the land of which I shall tell you. Sojourn in this land, and I will be with you and will bless you."
And what I said before, about the internal issue having been dealt with either way now that I've exposed and faced it, turns out to be the case: I'm not devastated. I'm a little angry, but I'll get over it.
What I've got to decide now is whether to proceed with listing my house. On the one hand, it still holds true that I don't think I can keep up with the property. But on the other, I don't know where I will go.
I had hoped that Christians might use a different type of judgment--that they might actually practice Christian charity rather than cowardice and litigation-mindedness. But I suppose I was being naive: colleges are businesses. Ministries are businesses. Churches are businesses. At least, in the West.
I accept that it is the Lord's will that I not go. This was in my scripture reading this morning:
"And the Lord appeared to him and said, 'Do not go down to Egypt; dwell in the land of which I shall tell you. Sojourn in this land, and I will be with you and will bless you."
And what I said before, about the internal issue having been dealt with either way now that I've exposed and faced it, turns out to be the case: I'm not devastated. I'm a little angry, but I'll get over it.
What I've got to decide now is whether to proceed with listing my house. On the one hand, it still holds true that I don't think I can keep up with the property. But on the other, I don't know where I will go.
Monday, February 19, 2018
Sunday, February 18, 2018
The World's Greatest Love Letters
I was watching a movie recently (which I haven't finished yet) about the love affair between John Keats and Fanny Brawne, and it got me thinking about this book, which I picked up a couple of years ago. So I've been re-reading it and reveling in its profound and sometimes heartbreaking beauty.
Some of my favorite quotes:
"I was thinking the other day that certainly and after all (or rather before all) I had loved you all my life unawares, that is, the idea of you." -- Elizabeth Barrett
"For God's sake, madam, when you write to me, talk of yourself; there is nothing I so much desire to hear of; talk a great deal of yourself, that she who I always thought talked best may speak upon the best subject."-- Alexander Pope
"In a man's letters, you know, madam, his soul lies naked. His letters are only the mirror of his heart." -- Samuel Johnson
"I have often thought it a peculiarly unlucky circumstance in love, that though in every other situation in life telling the truth is not only the safest, but actually by far the easiest way of proceeding, a lover is never under greater difficulty in acting nor never more puzzled for expression than when his passion is sincere and his intentions are honourable." -- Robert Burns
"I like the word affection because it signifies something habitual, and we are soon to meet to try whether we have mind enough to keep our hearts warm." -- Mary Wollstonecraft
"Those who have loved longest love best." -- Samuel Johnson
"In a word, I am resolved, nay, content, to be only hers, though it may be impossible she should ever be mine." -- Lord Peterborough
Last time I read it, I was in such agony that I had to frequently stop and put it away, and take it up again after I had recovered myself. This time, I'm in a better place, and I am imagining what it would be like if You were reading it too, and we could talk about it. I know just how you would read it: you would enjoy it letter by letter, taking time to savor each for its own particular beauty, passion, and melancholy, before moving on to the next.
Saturday, February 17, 2018
Thursday, February 15, 2018
Wednesday, February 14, 2018
Romeo and Juliet - What is a Youth
"What love can do, that dares love attempt."
"My bounty is as boundless as the sea,
My love as deep; the more I give to thee,
The more I have, for both are infinite."
-- Wm. Shakespeare
Tuesday, February 13, 2018
Friday, February 9, 2018
Thoughts from my Daughter on Dating
My daughter has been single for a very long time. I raised my girls to be independent: didn't let them date until they were 16, because I didn't want them developing that needy dependence that so many girls have, which makes them have to have a boyfriend, and which leads them into all kinds of heartache, trouble, and tragedy. And it worked: by the time they turned 16, they had developed sufficient character that most of the boys simply didn't interest them, and neither of them ended up dating at all until they were in their 20s.
For my older daughter, it has continued--she's now 28 and still has never had an actual relationship. A date here, a few dates there--once a long-drawn-out thing where she was never sure if she was just friends with the guy or if it was going somewhere (it wasn't). She is very smart, very independent, and very strong-willed. And the guys she's met just have never held her interest for long, or have shown their true intentions and character and been summarily dismissed. I am very proud of her. I don't know if it's unusual for a daughter to talk to her father routinely and openly about her dating life, but we do, and I'm glad.
Of course, she's not totally immune to that terrible feeling that pretty much all single people have--that wondering, is it ever going to happen? It's even affected her relationship with the Lord--she's been struggling with disappointment and it's damaged her faith. And I worry about her--about whether she's going to find happiness, or make a bad decision and end up in a bad situation, or get hurt, or whatever. You know, dad stuff. And I also pray for her, that God will bring her that man. I pray that He will bring her a man who will love her like I love You-Know-Who.
So a few days ago, she wrote me that "I changed my age range on my dating profile to 38-49. I'm over these young guys. Even guys who are 30-35 are so immature." And today, she wrote that she has a date with a 41-year-old professor, and said, "It's so different, talking to a man who's older than someone my age."
I told her that think this is a very good idea, and shows a lot of wisdom. I think I've said before that I've only realized as I've gotten older that I had no idea how to love a woman when I was young. Especially when you're talking about an extraordinary woman, one with real intelligence, and character, and fire in her spirit, she needs a man, not a boy, and one with maturity, intelligence, integrity, strength, and character. And it takes time for those things to develop in a man, especially in our age, when he's basically on his own for finding and learning those things, and very much going against the grain of society.
You may not know this if you're a woman, but men who stand up for treating women with genuine love and respect get made fun of by other men. And here's an even nastier secret: You know those comments that Trump was recorded making about women? That's how the vast majority of men are, when they're alone. He wasn't lying when he said it was "just locker-room talk"; that is really how it is--it's "normal". Then those same men pay lip-service to feminist speech-and-thought-control requirements when they're in mixed company, to ingratiate themselves to women (mostly for the purpose of getting sex).
Not that it's a guarantee that an older man is going to be better. It's just the odds improve. Some have had the time to develop their characters and build the conviction and discipline to live what they believe, and some have seen the error of their former ways and changed themselves. Not that the odds are still all that good; after all, Trump and Bill Clinton are my father's generation--that was when it all really started to go bad; when porn started to become mainstream, when 'virgin' became an insult, and when the primary goal of dating girls changed from finding and winning a bride to the predatory practice of getting as many of them to have sex with you as possible. You'd have to go to my grandfather's generation to get a significantly higher percentage of men who were basically decent. But bad odds are still better than abysmal odds. And you only need to find one.
I'll say it again: I pray the Lord to bring my daughter a man who will love her like I love Her. That's the best thing I can ask for her.
For my older daughter, it has continued--she's now 28 and still has never had an actual relationship. A date here, a few dates there--once a long-drawn-out thing where she was never sure if she was just friends with the guy or if it was going somewhere (it wasn't). She is very smart, very independent, and very strong-willed. And the guys she's met just have never held her interest for long, or have shown their true intentions and character and been summarily dismissed. I am very proud of her. I don't know if it's unusual for a daughter to talk to her father routinely and openly about her dating life, but we do, and I'm glad.
Of course, she's not totally immune to that terrible feeling that pretty much all single people have--that wondering, is it ever going to happen? It's even affected her relationship with the Lord--she's been struggling with disappointment and it's damaged her faith. And I worry about her--about whether she's going to find happiness, or make a bad decision and end up in a bad situation, or get hurt, or whatever. You know, dad stuff. And I also pray for her, that God will bring her that man. I pray that He will bring her a man who will love her like I love You-Know-Who.
So a few days ago, she wrote me that "I changed my age range on my dating profile to 38-49. I'm over these young guys. Even guys who are 30-35 are so immature." And today, she wrote that she has a date with a 41-year-old professor, and said, "It's so different, talking to a man who's older than someone my age."
I told her that think this is a very good idea, and shows a lot of wisdom. I think I've said before that I've only realized as I've gotten older that I had no idea how to love a woman when I was young. Especially when you're talking about an extraordinary woman, one with real intelligence, and character, and fire in her spirit, she needs a man, not a boy, and one with maturity, intelligence, integrity, strength, and character. And it takes time for those things to develop in a man, especially in our age, when he's basically on his own for finding and learning those things, and very much going against the grain of society.
You may not know this if you're a woman, but men who stand up for treating women with genuine love and respect get made fun of by other men. And here's an even nastier secret: You know those comments that Trump was recorded making about women? That's how the vast majority of men are, when they're alone. He wasn't lying when he said it was "just locker-room talk"; that is really how it is--it's "normal". Then those same men pay lip-service to feminist speech-and-thought-control requirements when they're in mixed company, to ingratiate themselves to women (mostly for the purpose of getting sex).
Not that it's a guarantee that an older man is going to be better. It's just the odds improve. Some have had the time to develop their characters and build the conviction and discipline to live what they believe, and some have seen the error of their former ways and changed themselves. Not that the odds are still all that good; after all, Trump and Bill Clinton are my father's generation--that was when it all really started to go bad; when porn started to become mainstream, when 'virgin' became an insult, and when the primary goal of dating girls changed from finding and winning a bride to the predatory practice of getting as many of them to have sex with you as possible. You'd have to go to my grandfather's generation to get a significantly higher percentage of men who were basically decent. But bad odds are still better than abysmal odds. And you only need to find one.
I'll say it again: I pray the Lord to bring my daughter a man who will love her like I love Her. That's the best thing I can ask for her.
Thursday, February 8, 2018
Insight
I had a talk with my doctor today about the way I've been feeling, and I think I understand better now, what's going on.
The thing that's been holding me back from living my life is the emotional trauma of what keeps happening to me, and the fear that it's going to happen again. That's not really news. I need to be clear here, though, that there are two related but separate things going on: my unrequited love for the girl is one thing, but that's not what has had me paralyzed for so long, nor is it what is causing the stress and turmoil associated with finally trying to re-join the world. That's the other thing: the suspicion, the fear, the gossip, the judgments, the ostracization, exclusion, and rejection.
I hadn't actually dealt with it all yet. I've been semi-functional for some time, by just sort of shoving it all off to the side and not thinking about it. But it was going to have to be genuinely dealt with sooner or later, and that was going to have to happen before I ever moved on in any meaningful way.
So what I've been doing, without fully being aware of what I was doing, is waiting to be vindicated before I risked trusting anybody again. I haven't been able to face the shame of people's judgments and suspicions, and I've needed the safety of having my name cleared, so to speak, in order to take that chance. In other words, I've been waiting for somebody else to tell the world that I'm okay, after all, and that none of it was actually true.
Let me be further clear, that this isn't about blaming anyone, most especially not Her--I actually see her as being as much a victim in this as myself: she's had to suffer the fears and doubts that those lies about me spawned. If there are any human actors to blame in this, I don't know clearly who they are, and furthermore don't really want or need to know, unless it's to forgive them. I vaguely blame the Hive Mind, mostly at grad school where this all started; like in Edward Scissorhands, when all the neighborhood gossips who had been infatuated with him suddenly turned against him. But even there, I still don't know exactly how it all happened, or if there was one specific liar to blame, and if so who it was. And again, it doesn't really matter.
The point is that this fear is the giant who's been keeping me prisoner in my isolation, and has been too strong for me to defeat. No, I didn't even realize this when I wrote the story, but I see now that it is so.
And of course, the reason it is so large and has so much power is because it grew out of even deeper and older things--things which were already there before any of this ever happened. If I hadn't already been vulnerable to this particular kind of injury, then none of it would have affected me the way it did. And perhaps none of it would have happened--these deep-rooted things have a way of attracting, or even creating, the very thing we're most afraid of.
I hope, Sweetie, that I haven't hurt your feelings, or embarrassed you, or touched a nerve by talking about these things. I love you, I think the world of you, and I don't hold any of this against you. I just needed to work through this, and as I've said before, this blog is my journal, and it's where I do my emotional processing. And this isn't me holding on to things; in fact, just the opposite: this is my way of getting past them.
So what my fear has been telling me is that I should forget the whole thing, withdraw my application, and remain in my isolation. That means that what I have to do is the exact opposite: I have to see this thing through. That's been my guiding principal all my adult life: afraid of heights--climb the tower; afraid of swamps--hike through the Everglades, etc., etc. Now, if they reject me because of it, that will be outside of my control. I'm sure it will be a blow, and I'll probably have some bad days; but I'll have to accept that it is God's will that I not go. Hopefully, even if that happens, I will have faced and worked through the thing itself, and will be ready for whatever comes next.
The thing that's been holding me back from living my life is the emotional trauma of what keeps happening to me, and the fear that it's going to happen again. That's not really news. I need to be clear here, though, that there are two related but separate things going on: my unrequited love for the girl is one thing, but that's not what has had me paralyzed for so long, nor is it what is causing the stress and turmoil associated with finally trying to re-join the world. That's the other thing: the suspicion, the fear, the gossip, the judgments, the ostracization, exclusion, and rejection.
I hadn't actually dealt with it all yet. I've been semi-functional for some time, by just sort of shoving it all off to the side and not thinking about it. But it was going to have to be genuinely dealt with sooner or later, and that was going to have to happen before I ever moved on in any meaningful way.
So what I've been doing, without fully being aware of what I was doing, is waiting to be vindicated before I risked trusting anybody again. I haven't been able to face the shame of people's judgments and suspicions, and I've needed the safety of having my name cleared, so to speak, in order to take that chance. In other words, I've been waiting for somebody else to tell the world that I'm okay, after all, and that none of it was actually true.
Let me be further clear, that this isn't about blaming anyone, most especially not Her--I actually see her as being as much a victim in this as myself: she's had to suffer the fears and doubts that those lies about me spawned. If there are any human actors to blame in this, I don't know clearly who they are, and furthermore don't really want or need to know, unless it's to forgive them. I vaguely blame the Hive Mind, mostly at grad school where this all started; like in Edward Scissorhands, when all the neighborhood gossips who had been infatuated with him suddenly turned against him. But even there, I still don't know exactly how it all happened, or if there was one specific liar to blame, and if so who it was. And again, it doesn't really matter.
The point is that this fear is the giant who's been keeping me prisoner in my isolation, and has been too strong for me to defeat. No, I didn't even realize this when I wrote the story, but I see now that it is so.
And of course, the reason it is so large and has so much power is because it grew out of even deeper and older things--things which were already there before any of this ever happened. If I hadn't already been vulnerable to this particular kind of injury, then none of it would have affected me the way it did. And perhaps none of it would have happened--these deep-rooted things have a way of attracting, or even creating, the very thing we're most afraid of.
I hope, Sweetie, that I haven't hurt your feelings, or embarrassed you, or touched a nerve by talking about these things. I love you, I think the world of you, and I don't hold any of this against you. I just needed to work through this, and as I've said before, this blog is my journal, and it's where I do my emotional processing. And this isn't me holding on to things; in fact, just the opposite: this is my way of getting past them.
So what my fear has been telling me is that I should forget the whole thing, withdraw my application, and remain in my isolation. That means that what I have to do is the exact opposite: I have to see this thing through. That's been my guiding principal all my adult life: afraid of heights--climb the tower; afraid of swamps--hike through the Everglades, etc., etc. Now, if they reject me because of it, that will be outside of my control. I'm sure it will be a blow, and I'll probably have some bad days; but I'll have to accept that it is God's will that I not go. Hopefully, even if that happens, I will have faced and worked through the thing itself, and will be ready for whatever comes next.
Tuesday, February 6, 2018
My Love is Lost
My love is lost.
I held it as a handful of sand, clenching my fist
to hold it there.
Yet, bit by bit, it slipped through my straining fingers.
Now, nothing but memories of every smile, every kiss,
and, above all, every word.
For ’twas not into my ear you whispered
but into my heart.
‘Twas not my lips you kissed,
but my soul.
And when I opened my tired hand and found my
love was gone
I trembled and died.
I struggle to hide my deadness.
To conceal the emptiness in my eyes,
that sparkle with tears always so close
but never come.
My mind quivers and screams, fight, fight to live
But why?
My handful of existence has vanished.
My love is lost.
My love is lost.
-- Judy Garland
I held it as a handful of sand, clenching my fist
to hold it there.
Yet, bit by bit, it slipped through my straining fingers.
Now, nothing but memories of every smile, every kiss,
and, above all, every word.
For ’twas not into my ear you whispered
but into my heart.
‘Twas not my lips you kissed,
but my soul.
And when I opened my tired hand and found my
love was gone
I trembled and died.
I struggle to hide my deadness.
To conceal the emptiness in my eyes,
that sparkle with tears always so close
but never come.
My mind quivers and screams, fight, fight to live
But why?
My handful of existence has vanished.
My love is lost.
My love is lost.
-- Judy Garland
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