Saturday, June 30, 2018
Sovente il Sole - Vivaldi
This affects me in the same way as seeing your face, or hearing your voice. Inexpressibly beautiful, except in itself. To paraphrase Montaigne, "'Tis so much to be this beautiful, that she is only so by being so."
Wednesday, June 27, 2018
"To be near something beautiful or precious but to be unable to experience it is the subtlest possible form of torture."
-- Robert Johnson, The Fisher King and the Handless Maiden
Sunday, June 24, 2018
It's still true, all that I've written before: how I love you, and want you to be my wife, and want to share all these high and noble and beautiful things with you, and to experience with you all that is good and worthwhile in life. But aside from all that, I just miss you. I miss talking with you about little things, and merely being with you and around you. I still find myself imagining conversations with you; just sharing the small thoughts and feelings of everyday life.
Monday, June 4, 2018
More from Tolstoy on how Special and Uniquely Beautiful You Are
Tolstoy gets it.
(Prince Andrew is a widower and a veteran of the war with Napoleon, and has been beginning to come out of a deep despair of any goodness or meaning in life. His wife died in childbirth at the moment he returned from the war, determined to love her more and treat her better than he had before he'd left, and after that he'd decided that all one could hope in life was to subsist and try not to do anyone any harm. He meets Natasha, who had made and impression on him once before, at her first ball, and this scene is the following day.)
Next day Prince Andrew called at a few houses he had not visited before, and among them at the Rostóvs’ with whom he had renewed acquaintance at the ball. Apart from considerations of politeness which demanded the call, he wanted to see that original, eager girl who had left such a pleasant impression on his mind, in her own home.
Natásha was one of the first to meet him. She was wearing a dark-blue house dress in which Prince Andrew thought her even prettier than in her ball dress. She and all the Rostóv family welcomed him as an old friend, simply and cordially. The whole family, whom he had formerly judged severely, now seemed to him to consist of excellent, simple, and kindly people. The old count’s hospitality and good nature, which struck one especially in Petersburg as a pleasant surprise, were such that Prince Andrew could not refuse to stay to dinner. “Yes,” he thought, “they are capital people, who of course have not the slightest idea what a treasure they possess in Natásha; but they are kindly folk and form the best possible setting for this strikingly poetic, charming girl, overflowing with life!”
In Natásha Prince Andrew was conscious of a strange world completely alien to him and brimful of joys unknown to him, a different world, that in the Otrádnoe avenue and at the window that moonlight night had already begun to disconcert him. Now this world disconcerted him no longer and was no longer alien to him, but he himself having entered it found in it a new enjoyment.
After dinner Natásha, at Prince Andrew’s request, went to the clavichord and began singing. Prince Andrew stood by a window talking to the ladies and listened to her. In the midst of a phrase he ceased speaking and suddenly felt tears choking him, a thing he had thought impossible for him. He looked at Natásha as she sang, and something new and joyful stirred in his soul. He felt happy and at the same time sad. He had absolutely nothing to weep about yet he was ready to weep. What about? His former love? The little princess? His disillusionments?... His hopes for the future?... Yes and no. The chief reason was a sudden, vivid sense of the terrible contrast between something infinitely great and illimitable within him and that limited and material something that he, and even she, was. This contrast weighed on and yet cheered him while she sang.
As soon as Natásha had finished she went up to him and asked how he liked her voice. She asked this and then became confused, feeling that she ought not to have asked it. He smiled, looking at her, and said he liked her singing as he liked everything she did.
Prince Andrew left the Rostóvs’ late in the evening. He went to bed from habit, but soon realized that he could not sleep. Having lit his candle he sat up in bed, then got up, then lay down again not at all troubled by his sleeplessness: his soul was as fresh and joyful as if he had stepped out of a stuffy room into God’s own fresh air. It did not enter his head that he was in love with Natásha; he was not thinking about her, but only picturing her to himself, and in consequence all life appeared in a new light. “Why do I strive, why do I toil in this narrow, confined frame, when life, all life with all its joys, is open to me?” said he to himself. And for the first time for a very long while he began making happy plans for the future. He decided that he must attend to his son’s education by finding a tutor and putting the boy in his charge, then he ought to retire from the service and go abroad, and see England, Switzerland and Italy. “I must use my freedom while I feel so much strength and youth in me,” he said to himself. “Pierre was right when he said one must believe in the possibility of happiness in order to be happy, and now I do believe in it. Let the dead bury their dead, but while one has life one must live and be happy!” thought he.
Sunday, June 3, 2018
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