The Year in Reflection

I became Catholic.

I sold my house.

I said goodbye to my cat.

I met a girl.

For the first time in my life, I experienced love.

My daughter died.

I went...everywhere. And saw everything.

I parted with a girl.

I may have cancer.

Grand Canyon and the End

Sweet Carolina and I have decided to part ways. This is something we both recognized needed to happen, and we parted well, although I will not say without grief or pain. We parted better than I have ever known a couple to do so, with many tender words, with holding each other and tears, with one last beautiful time of affection and intimacy.

There is significant sorrow and sadness for me--after all, she is the only woman who has ever truly given me her love. I love her deeply and miss her terribly, but I know that this is the way it has to be, and so I send her on her way in life with all the blessings, love, and best wishes I can give her. And with this:

It is Over

I wasn't able to say you a proper goodbye

Standing in the parking lot

amidst the bustle of the Christmas shoppers

trying to restrain my tears

So here are the things I was feeling

the things I should have said

You are the only true love affair I've ever had

I've been in love before

and women have loved me

but never mutually, and simultaneously

I wrote once, on a wish list, on a darkened street,

in a town where my heart had been broken

which asked, "What is the one thing you would ask for before you die?"

My reply, "To love someone, and to be loved by her, at the same time."

And you have made that wish come true

I never imagined it would be with someone so beautiful

so giving

so generous with herself and her love

so open with her heart and her soul

so completely vulnerable

I never imagined that someone could love me so completely

accept me so unconditionally

heal me so profoundly

I never imagined it would be with someone so silly

so messy

so fun

so vibrant

I will miss your silly socks and your llama pajamas

Your messy cupcakes and oreo milkshakes

I will miss the way your eyes light up,

when you find something interesting

your excitement

your enthusiasm

I will miss your company,

your gentle presence by my side

I will miss your tender touch;

this most of all

and all the affection you gave me

so unreservedly

No, not this: most of all, I will miss your heart

which you gave me so totally

and which deserved so much more

than I was able to give it in return 

And I truly
Will always love you

Chicago and Route 66

After leaving Ontario, we went to Chicago to pick up the start of Route 66. The highlight of Chicago was the Art Institute. And the highlight of the Art Institute, for me, was the superb mediaeval exhibit, especially the best collection of arms and armour I've ever seen.

This large suit of armor spoke to me in a strange and profound way. Standing in front of it, it felt like it was exactly my size; like I should just step into it and walk out to the battlefield.