"He to whom the eternal Word speaketh is delivered from a multitude of opinions."

-- The Imitation of Christ

I went to mass today for the first time since the churches all closed. I rather like the little church in Waynesboro. They've managed to find a beautiful old building to meet in, rather providentially by the account of how it happened. There was even a family there whom I knew at the old Anglican church, and liked, but wasn't very close to, and so weren't part of the whole fiasco, and I was very happy to see someone familiar.

The old ex-Lutheran church building inspired me to go and get some German food at my favorite place, one with some powerful memories. It's called Edelweiss, and so of course every time I go there I come away singing (aided, of course, by the liter mugs of bier they serve). Singing Edelweiss, driving through the Shenandoah valley--it's all very nostalgic and poignant. And so, I ended up watching the Sound of Music after I got back to my hotel, and I was struck by the simple and profound beauty of Maria's philosophy of life:

Mother Superior: And what is the most important lesson you have learned here, my child?

Maria: To find out what is the will of God and to do it wholeheartedly.

Even so.

Somehow all this makes me feel as if I am really, truly home now.

I have a signed contract on the new place.

I've been rather stressed about finding a new place to live for some time now. I started looking online before I left California, but it seemed that every time I saw a place that had potential, by the time I contacted my agent and she got back to me, there was already a contract on it. I guess a lot of people are wanting to move out of the city right now. Can't say I blame them. It's just rather inconvenient for me that the kind of place I have always wanted is now the kind of place that everyone else wants too.

I was kind of thinking, in one part of my mind, "Well, this is perfect. I live for years alone in the woods, in a place that's very well suited to self-sufficiency and escape from the chaos that would strike urban areas in the event of a major crisis. Then, I finally sell it, go out on the road in a tiny camper where I'm vulnerable and dependent on others, and then the disaster comes." But the other part of my mind would always answer, "You came out here searching for God, and he will honor that and take care of you." And God would always add, "Yes. Trust Me." And as I was making my way back across the continent, I kept feeling like he was telling me that he was going to have very good things for me when I got back to Virginia.

As I was looking for a house, there just didn't seem to be much out there that was suitable for me. I resigned myself to compromise on some things that I wanted, for the sake of finding something acceptable if not ideal. The first place I made an offer on fit into that category--it had some merits, but also some significant deficiencies. Then when that fell through, I was praying, and said, Okay, lead me to the perfect place for me, and show me and help me if I need to open myself up to something that's not what I have in mind. It's in your hands: I trust in you.

Later that day, I was on zillow, and I expanded my search area a bit, and was drawing the search border, trying to follow the Virginia/West Virginia line. But I missed a tiny little bit, and accidentally included the exact place where this house is (it's 3300 feet from Virginia). It came up, and I just Knew. I went there, and I became Certain that this was the place.

God answers prayer.

I got there early, and had about half an hour to sit on the front porch and smoke my pipe, listening to the wind in the trees and smelling the pines, and I felt like I was already home. It's just unbelievably beautiful and peaceful there. It's hand-built of square-hewn 6x12 solid logs--it feels like a fort. The only way it could be more solid and sturdy is if it were a stone castle. The solid construction, arched ceilings, and high elevation make it so that I was there on a hot day, but it was still pretty comfortable inside without AC.

There are some oddities. There's no fireplace or woodstove--why would you build a log cabin in the middle of the forest and not include a fireplace? There are two front doors right next to each other, which is not a problem, but is kind of strange. The construction is of the highest quality, but then they put in very cheap-looking and low-quality kitchen cabinets which don't even match the house. The same is true of a couple of other things, like the upstairs shower and the appliances, which are from the 80s. My theory is that the mother of the builder, who was the initial resident, was like my grandmother (who was also an old-fashioned mountain type from Kentucky) and chose the absolute cheapest of everything. "Okay mom, your house is ready. I'm going to take you to choose your cabinets." She looks at the pricetags, chooses the absolute cheapest of everything regardless of any other factors, and won't budge. Same is probably true of the fireplace--she didn't want to bother with all the wood-related chores, and was afraid of house fire, etc.

But, it gives me some projects to focus on. First thing is to put in a woodstove. Have to get a garden tractor to take care of the driveway, not only mowing but grading after heavy rains, and clearing snow in the winter. Needs AC--for now I'll just get a couple of window units, then later see about adding central. Then, probably next year after I've paid down some credit card balances I've run up while traveling, I'll start on the kitchen. I want to do those unstained oak cabinets, stain them myself, then top them with butcher-block counters. The refrigerator, washer, and dryer need to be replaced. Range is probably okay, once it's had a good cleaning.

Also next spring I'll start planting. Probably have to put a fence up around the garden to keep the deer out (although I'll also shoot and eat some of them, which may discourage the others). Which reminds me, I'll need a big freezer, too. Eventually, I'd like to put in a hand-pump on one of the wells (there are two), so I can have water when the power goes out. And I'd actually like to install solar with a windmill backup, so I can generate my own electricity and get off the grid with everything except telecommunications. But that will be further down the road. A windmill water pump sounds like a good idea too--I wonder if one windmill can do both jobs?

There are trout streams everywhere around, and of course plenty of deer. So with my garden and orchard, once they're up and producing, I'll be relatively self-sufficient. I'll build a chicken coop at some point, and start raising my own eggs, and maybe some for meat as well. I could live on venison, trout, and chicken quite happily, with the occasional wild turkey or even boar. I already checked, and West Virginia allows disabled vets to hunt and fish for free with no license, for life.

The only real drawbacks are that telecommunications are a bit difficult for now--the only internet option is satellite, which is expensive and unreliable. I've signed up for the beta test of Starlink, and hopefully that will come online sometime in the next couple of years. And the distance from stores, church, etc., or any kind of community. I wouldn't actually mind having neighbors, if I could pick them myself. I would actually love to live in a community of like-minded people--people like the Godbolds and Jamesons from my old church would be great neighbors. But unfortunately, it doesn't work that way, so I prefer none at all--particularly not stupid rednecks who throw their trash out the window on our beautiful private road, and keep a million stupid hunting dogs outside which never shut up, and constantly get out and come onto my property (like my old place).

Anyway, I'm happy and thankful. I'm very much looking forward to having a home again, and picturing spending my days cutting firewood, gardening, fishing, hunting, reading, and writing. I'm thinking it will be nice to have guests up, once I've got the place the way I want it. Maybe I'll even put it on air b&b. I could put a little mini-refrigerator and range up in the loft, and have some company from time to time as well as make a little money.

The moral of this story is, I gave up a great home to go and find God. And he gave me one almost just like it, only better, in return.

Back Home Again

Well, I'm home. Sort of. I'm staying with my brother in NoVa while my trailer undergoes repairs at the dealer in Pennsylvania. And looking for a new place to live. I've actually made an offer on a place over on the other side of the Blue Ridge, near Shenandoah and Luray. I think it will be good for me to be away from Charlottesville. There's a Latin Mass Catholic church up in Front Royal, and a traditional Anglican one down in Waynesboro which belongs to the same denomination as the one I attended in Tucson while waiting out the winter in Arizona, so I can go to mass and not have to worry about the issues at the ones in Charlottesville. Also I'd be right between the Shenandoah Forest and River, so lots of things to do.

It's been a good trip, overall. I've seen many things: Niagara, the Great Lakes, Route 66, Tallgrass Prairie Preserve, Palo Duro Canyon, the Painted Desert, the Petrified Forest, the Mojave Desert, Yosemite, Mt. Shasta, Yellowstone, the Great Salt Lake and the Salt Flats, Boston, New York, Chicago, L.A., Toronto, and all the stuff in-between. Experienced sweet love, made some new friends, saw some old ones, had a long talk with John Michael Talbot. But the main thing is, and always was, that I went in search of encounters with God, and I found them. I'm not totally healed yet--I didn't get that big miracle which I'd hoped for, but I did get miracles, encounters, and answered prayers, and continue to. But I am glad to be home. It's time to be still for a while, to have a real house to live in again, to have some stability. It's turned out to be a particularly challenging time to be out there blowing in the wind. Also, as beautiful as so many places I've seen are, I don't think any of them are more beautiful than Shenandoah.

"There are persons advanced in the ways of God, who are, as the result of an illness, inclined to exceptional irritability. They are like people badly dressed, because their illness increases, as it were tenfold, the painful impression produced by contradictions, and sometimes the latter are incessant. There may be great merit in this struggle, and great patience in seeming impatience."

Fr. Reginald Garrigou-LaGrange, The Three Ages of the Interior Life