Look how beautiful my granddaughters are.

"I'm one of those sad souls who never stops loving people from the past, no matter how long ago or far away."

-- me

I went yesterday, for my birthday, to see the new Wes Anderson film. First time I've gone to the theater in a long while. I love his films, and could give a long list of reasons why, but here's one which I hadn't even realized until this moment, when I saw it in an interview with him (which is printed in a book about his films, which was featured in a documentary about them, which is the perfect way to learn something about them: layer within layer within layer).

"The flesh is at once man's burden and his temptation. He bears it and yields to it. He must keep watch over it and restrain it, and only obey it in the last resort. Such obedience may be a fault, but it is a venial fault. It is a fall, but a fall onto the knees which may end in prayer. To be a saint is to be an exception;  to be a true man is the rule. Err, fail, sin if you must, but be upright. To sin as little as possible is the law for men; to sin not at all is the dream of angels. All earthly things are subject to sin; it is like the force of gravity."

-- Victor Hugo, Les Miserables 

"What is reported of men, whether it be true or false, may play as large a part in their lives, and above all in their destiny, as the things they do." -- Victor Hugo

"See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland."

 -- Isa 43:19

"Nalgron was speaking of courage, of honor, of prudence, of thoughtfulness in giving and punctillio in keeping your word, of following your heart, of setting and unswervingly striving toward a high, romantic goal, of self-honesty in all these things but especially in recognizing your aversions and desires, of the need to close your ears to the fears and naggings of women, yet freely forgive them all their jealousies, attempted trammelings, and even extremest wickednesses, since these all sprang from their ungovernable love."

-- Fritz Leiber

What happened to the world in which things like this were written and published? It wasn't all that long ago, but it seems like another age of the earth. And it's not even great literature; it's pulp fiction. 

"Do not pity the dead, Harry. Pity the living, and above all, those who live without love."

-- Albus Dumbledore 

"Death is but crossing the world, as friends do the seas; they live in one another still. For they must needs be present, that love and live in that which is omnipresent. In this divine glass, they see face to face; and their converse is free, as well as pure. This is the comfort of friends, that though they may be said to die, yet their friendship and society are, in the best sense, ever present, because immortal."

-- William Penn

I miss manhood. 

 

A Message from Beyond the Grave

I thought I had lost this. Adina wrote it to me, several years ago. I've been wishing I could recover it since she passed, not remembering that I'd posted it here.

"You know, when I was pregnant I always prayed that I could show them the magic in the world that you showed me. No one in the world has hope anymore. They criticize people who hope for anything better. But you've always hoped.
You've been so important in my life.. I know you don't think I listen to you, but I do. I remember everything you've told me. Like when mom left us at the restaurant and we walked home holding hands. Or when you told me every time you sleep with someone you lose a piece of your soul. I remember the important stuff you say. Or when you stop to move a kitty out of the road.
I always try to help people because I always saw you doing it. I think about it all the time. Just yesterday I thought about how you bought a little girl a teddy bear on valentine's day because her mom couldn't afford it, when we were in line behind them getting candy.
I wouldn't know how to be kind without you. But you made a difference. You made me, you passed on how you care. All I hope is that the girls love me the way I love you."

Here's what it really is, Sweetie. Here's what I was showing you, what I was teaching you. Here's who I was showing you. As you know now, better than I do now, because you are with Him.

"Love, to be real, must hurt."

"Jesus, in order to give us the proof of His love, died on the cross.

  A mother, in order to give birth to her baby, has to suffer.

  If you really love one another, you will not be able to avoid making sacrifices."

-- Mother Theresa

Free Will and the Will of God

One often hears people wondering about whether all is predestined and if so, how our choices matter; or, if there is no destiny, and everything lies in our choice, to "make our own destiny". And then, how does the Plan of God fit into all this?

In fact, both are true--both free will and predestination. God does have a plan for each of us. Yet, every decision each of us makes matters. And affects not only ourselves, but those in our lives, which in turn affects those in their lives, with the quantum ripples resonating throughout the history of the universe.

So how can this be? Does God have a perfect plan, and then backup plans for if we make the wrong choice? Maybe. Certainly it wasn't his desire for us to suffer all the evil that we do--he wishes us only good. But it doesn't really matter, because he knew every choice each of us was going to make before he ever spoke the Big Bang into being. So, in a way, that is the only plan--that which actually happens. And so, it is his perfect plan, because in the end, it will all work out. He created us knowing all the evil we would do, and chose to create us anyway, because apparently he thought it would still be worth it. His perfect plan was for us to have free will, to choose our own way.

Think of God as a weaver, and the history of the universe as a great tapestry. Each choice made by every creature with free will--every man, woman, child, angel, power, principality, throne, dominion, and whatever other creatures there are in the universe, is a thread. And he takes those threads and weaves them into the tapestry of his plan, in a way that only he can see right now, because only he has the perspective. Have you ever seen the back of a tapestry, embroidery, or needlepoint? It's a big mess. That's what we see right now--just the cross-stitches and knots. And furthermore, we can only see our little portion of it, and that immediately adjacent. But he beholds the whole, from start to finish, and says, "It is good." And one day, he will show it to us, and we will agree, "It is good."

I didn't keep you 

to say goodbye

I held you near

and waited to see

where our love would go

and if it would grow

until I could say to you

You are the One

I choose You

Only

Always

Above all

For until I can say these things

honestly

truly

unreservedly

wholeheartedly

I cannot say

I will

I do

These are sacred and solemn vows

Taken before the King

and Creator of the Universe

I dare not make them lightly

frivolously

dishonestly

or in bad faith

to Him, or to you

Honor

Integrity

Faithfulness

Truth

These are as important as Love

For without them

Love is just a feeling

subject to change

without them, words are meaningless

promises are empty

trust is vain

You once called me

The Perfect Knight

and so I am: a knight

though not so perfect

The difference between 

a knight and a warrior

is service and sacrifice

The warrior serves himself

takes what he wants

by force

The knight serves another

a higher purpose

an unbreakable code

a King

The knight sacrifices

his own will and desires

for the good of others

for the sake of justice

for the sake of mercy

for the sake of truth

to do what is right--

not what is expedient

The true knight would rather lose everything

give up what he loves and desires most

than intentionally and knowingly do wrong

injuring another--especially a lady

for his own pleasure and gain

And even knights get lost, sometimes

wandering the wilderness

in grief and madness

until the holy man...or holy woman

the messenger of God

comes to them and heals them

and helps them find their way

 

 

Feels good to be back home again. 

"The right way to wholeness is made up, unfortunately, of fateful detours and wrong turnings."

 -- Carl Jung

Donnie Darko: Bullshit Conspiracy

" 'What is hope?' she said. 'An expectation of good, which though uncertain has some foundation in what is known? Then we have none.'

'That is one thing men call "hope",' said Finrod. 'Amdir we call it, "looking up". But there is another which is founded deeper. Estel we call it, that is "trust". It is not defeated by the ways of the world, for it does not come from experience, but from our nature and first being. If we are indeed the Eruhin, the children of the One, then He will not suffer Himself to be deprived of His own, not by any Enemy, not even by ourselves. This is the last foundation of Estel, which we keep even when we contemplate the End: of all His designs the issue must be for His Children's joy. Amdir you have not, you say. Does no Estel still abide?' "

-- J.R.R Tolkien, Athrabeth Finrod ah Andreth

 I need your love like the water

and the sun

But I can not swim,

and I got burned.

At the memory I can stand

only saying "perhaps,

if it was, will be. I can't

look at it as me, in the past,

but as another person

another life:

in Virginia a runaway

is a happy country wife.

She has my eyes,

And darker hair.

She dress sober along the days

but still in lace at night

when in strong loving arms

she lay,

and tenderly caress

who kept her to say goodbye.

"perhaps, if it was, will be."

If it's in my power, it will.

"Where is my hope? Who can see any hope for me?"

-- Job 17:15

"This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh. She shall be called 'woman' for she was taken out of man.'" -- Adam

Nurse: "Do you drink alcohol?"

Me: "Yes."

Nurse: "How much?"

Me: "Enough that I've had to switch to a cheaper brand of whiskey because I was going through too much."

Nurse: "Do you think you have a problem?"

Me: "Yes, but it's not drinking."

Nurse: "What is it?"

Me: "Complete, utter, crushing, loneliness, regret, and despair."

Nurse: "You know, we have a counselor here. Do you think it would help to talk to her?"

Me: "What's she going to do? Be my girlfriend? Be my friend? Go out with me? Hang out at my house? Live with me?"

Nurse: "No."

Me: "Then I hardly think she can help."

"There was a flowing in upon me, from the barren years beyond, a dejection such as I had never conceived. It was not at all like the agonies I had endured before and have endured since. I did not weep or wring my hands. I was like water put into a bottle and left in a cellar: utterly motionless, never to be drunk, poured out, spilled, or shaken. The days were endless. The very shadows seemed nailed to the ground as if the sun no longer moved."

-- C.S. Lewis, Till we have Faces

"In becoming true, a man contributes to the world's becoming true. Moreover, if a man becomes true, he also becomes good, and likewise the world becomes good around him."

 -- Joseph Ratzinger

We are lost; we can never go home.

It's Still Christmas!

...I would like to remind everyone. Until January 6th. 12 days, remember? It's not just a song. And to keep you in the true Spirit, here's one of my favorite Christmas albums. 

And here's one for Carolina, because she says she feels Jesus when she listens to Michael Card. Although it may be over for us, may it never be over for you and Him.