I miss manhood. 

 

I've been thinking about how much of my life has been characterized by the judgment, mis-judgment, gossip, slander, defamation, calumny, rejection, exclusion, and ostracization of women. And in light of what my daughter wrote to me, I can see why. What woman would want to marry a man like that? What woman would want a man whose grown daughter says those things, and whose grown son says of his experiences in the Army, both in training and in war, that "It was always the things you taught me and the way you raised me that got me through," to be the father of of her own children? Why would she want a man who is strong, sensitive, kind, supportive, passionate, romantic, poetic, courageous, conscientious, and good, when she can have an abusive asshole, or a neglectful nothing, an emotionally unavailable "normal" guy who splits his focus evenly between work and whatever sport he's into? What woman would want a man who is attentive, considerate, chivalrous, and delights in making her smile, when she can have someone who ignores her, dismisses her feelings, and takes her for granted? Why would she want a man who wants to truly bond with her, physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually, who wants to have a real and full person as a real and full partner, a helpmate, a true wife, when she can have someone who will see her as a good bargain, because she is attractive and cooks and cleans, and purchase her as a girl-slave, because he doesn't care about emotional or intellectual bonding and doesn't even believe in the spiritual? I mean, seriously, what woman wants to be loved by a man who is a man, with all of his heart, soul, mind, and strength, with burning passion and total devotion? I don't blame them all for treating me like they have. Clearly, I deserve it.