The Art of Manliness on inter-sex communication

Q:

My wife and I got into an argument the other night about how many hours she has been working at her job. I would like her home more. I let things cool down a bit and did not speak with her again that night. The next day, I thought I would apologize to her for getting into an argument. But when I texted her, she responded with a snide remark. As hard as I tried to make things right, it just turned into another argument. It seems like no matter how hard I try, she is not willing to make up. Should we go to counseling?

A:

Hold on, let me get my police issue bullhorn. Testing one two. Okay. “PUT DOWN THE PHONE. REPEAT, PUT DOWN THE PHONE. IF YOU VALUE YOUR RELATIONSHIP, STEP SLOWLY AWAY FROM YOUR TEXTING DEVICE.”

Let’s talk about texting. I’ll get back to your marriage in a moment.

Call me old-fashioned (believe me, it won’t be the worse thing I’ve been called) but I just don’t believe that all of our problems can be solved with technology…or pharmaceuticals (something I’ve mentioned here in a previous column). Some things should be handled old school. In this case, we’re talking about…well, talking.

If you care about her, AND you’re dealing with a touchy topic, do not text, do not email, do not Twitter. Really, don’t you think your relationship deserves more than 140 characters?

If everything is just peachy, then sending an I love you is swell. But if you’re wanting to apologize, explain, plan, express feelings, offer support, debate or disagree, DO NOT do it electronically. If you must, pick up the phone. But this old guy’s advice is to do it face-to-face.

http://www.artofmanliness.com/2009/05/27/ask-wayne-man-appologizes-to-wife-in-text-message-wife-responds-with-snark/ 

Well this is something that I've learned the hard way, to be sure. Where was this a year and a half ago in my life? I think about 90% of what's happened is exactly this: she probably understood something so completely different from what I intended when I tried to write her to fix things, that I couldn't imagine it if I tried. Of course, it's not entirely my fault: I did ask, repeatedly, for a face-to-face conversation to sort things out. And have yet to have had one.

Dropkick Murphys - Rose Tattoo

13 Tank Reunion

Got together at Ft. Knox last weekend with guys from my first unit, the 13th U.S. Cavalry. Mostly re-telling old stories of fights and drunken shenanigans and people and places now gone.

 The 13th Cavalry was the Army's very last horse cav regiment.

One of my two best Army buddies, Mitch Stein, and me in front of an M60A3 Patton tank, the ones we were on in 13 Tank, at the Patton museum, Ft. Knox. Remember the story from my bio about almost shooting my best friend? This is the guy.

The barracks where we took basic training together. Now abandoned. Fort Knox has been the home of Armor since the very beginning, 1940, when they switched from horses to tanks, but now they've moved it to Fort Benning, Ga., and combined it with the Infantry center. When we arrived for training in April 1985, we stayed first in the original wooden barracks from WWII. Pretty sad to see it all go. 

 Reliving memories of basic, in the spot where we and hundreds of thousands of men experienced untold hours of pain and misery from 1967 until last year. When we went to basic, it was still HARD, especially for combat arms soldiers, who trained separately with guys from just their own branch. Ft. Knox has three lovely hills which drill sergeants just loved, quaintly named "agony," "misery," and "heartbreak".

Notice how I look normal-sized amidst my comrades-in-arms? There's nothing light on a tank.

 

On the way home, I passed the spot where I wrecked my truck. Back up at the top of the pass, there are now signs all over instructing truckers to pull over for mandatory brake inspection before going down the pass.

"Feel the fear and do it anyway." -- Jillian Michaels

Nothin'

PTSD Dogs

I don't post a lot of "isn't that cool" links here. After all, this isn't facebook. But this is seriously cool.

I was just talking yesterday about how my cat has been keeping very close to me lately, and wondering if he somehow sensed how poorly I've been doing. I love animals.

Back in the Saddle

I'm back. Heart rate is just about where it should be, lower back is still a little twingey, but I can manage.

So I upped my workout. New routine:

1) 1 hour of cardio on various machines
2) Grappling circuit

3) Stretch
4) Free weight training: split routine. Monday chest, Tuesday back, Wednesday core, Thursday shoulders & arms, Friday legs. I use machines for leg day because of my knee.
5) Sauna

I know you bodybuilders out there are saying "You can't mix heavy weight training with all that cardio and endurance training!" Yeah, I'm aware. But I'm not trying to bulk: I'm big enough.

I'm thinking about adding some yoga and tai-chi; my gym has free classes. With that, I could be moving about 4 or 5 hours every day.

"All paths are good, provided one arrives."

-- Rousseau

He hath made every thing beautiful in his time; also he hath set the world in their heart, so that no man can find out the work that God maketh from the beginning to the end.
I know that there is no good in them, but for a man to rejoice, and to do good in his life.

Ecclesiastes 3:10-11

“We are not enemies, but friends. We must not be enemies. Though passion may have strained, it must not break our bonds of affection. The mystic chords of memory will swell when again touched, as surely they will be, by the better angels of our nature.”

-- Abraham Lincoln

"Feelings are like children: you don't want them driving the car, but you don't wanna stuff 'em in the trunk either."

-- Unknown

Eternal Light Shine upon Zoe

My best friend from high school, Eric Myers' 17-year-old daughter committed suicide a few days ago. Eric wrote and recorded this song for her when she was a little girl. Rest in peace, Zoe, and the Lord have mercy upon you.

How Not to Get Your Ass Kicked by the Police

This is one of the best things I've seen in ages. Sorry about the language.

"Love without courage and wisdom is sentimentality, as with the ordinary church member. Courage without love and wisdom is foolhardiness, as with the ordinary soldier. Wisdom without love and courage is cowardice, as with the ordinary intellectual. Therefore one who has love, courage, and wisdom is the one in a million who moves the world, as with Jesus, Buddha, and Gandhi." -- Ammon Hennacy

My Life, More Army Pics

Just reconnected with some old Army buddies, and found some more pictures to add.

Hanging out in the barracks 

You can't see me... 

 The inside of a tank

I'm cold just remembering this. Tanks have heaters. Unfortunately, when you're tactical, you're not allowed to use them.

I'm saddened to learn that so many of my old friends from the Army struggle with the same kind of issues that I do. But it also makes me feel a little better about myself: less pathetic and weak.

Wednesday Night Waltz

Soon my friends will be meeting on Wednesday nights again, enjoying the warmth of food and fellowship, and the light of learning. I'll miss them.

My Life in Pictures, continued

My Grandparents. Grandpa died just after this, then Grandma, years later: both from cancer. And both refused treatment--just stayed at home and let the disease run its course. I'm sad, and I miss them, but I get it: it was wonderful to have them to talk to and visit, sometimes, but sitting around totally alone, with no real friends or purpose in life, waiting for a child or grandchild to call every once in a while is just not enough to live for. I didn't understand then, but I definitely do now.

 

My wife had this blown up and hung it over Bethany's bed while I was away at war, so she could sleep.

 Playing video games with the boys

Playing GI Joes with the boys

At the airport, coming home from the war

Official Army photo from my last tour of duty

Out somewhere in Germany; Freilandsmuseum, I think: a reconstructed pre-industrial village. Very cool. With Adina.

Home from hunting, with my friend Palmer and his ginormous dog Duke

With the kids, in my hospital bed in the living room

Getting the kids baptized. I had progressed from a walker to this crutch.

 Disney World. Only a cane, now.

Playing Star Wars with Michael. I played with the girls, too, there just don't seem to be any pictures of me playing Barbies. ;)

Not actually a mugshot, despite its appearance

My brother's wedding. Onasaki Mitsuo-san, beside me, is a real Samurai of ten generations' heritage, and teaches Japanese swordsmanship.

 Another at the wedding. Onasaki-san and I declared war on all the bottles in the house.

dyin' alone

Don't read too much into it. It's just a song I like.

My Life, More Pictures

The birth of our first daughter, Bethany. And my first attempt at a beard. 1989.

The kids. Must have been 1991.

In my police academy uniform. You can see the pallor from fatigue and the bags under my eyes. That's our youngest, Adina, beside me. 1992.

The kids and me at the office Christmas party: Alamosa County Sherrif's Department, 1993. That's the captain in the Santa suit.

The family, when I was a deputy sheriff: 1993 or so. Toby is making his first look: we call it "Blue Steel". He should have been a male model.

The ex and me in Germany, 1994. Can't believe I'm still wearing that calculator watch.

With Bethany, outside the in-laws' house. I was almost in shape to go to Special Forces selection.

"In spite of everything you've done for them, eventually, they'll hate you."

-- Stan Lee