Back to Black and White

Before I met you
The whole world bored me
Life was only marking time
waiting to die
distractions
entertainments
brief moments of pleasure
but nothing really worth my while
Nothing to thrill me,
challenge me,
inspire me
At least, not in this world
I had hope for After,
but here and now was grey
dull
pointless
dumb

And yet...there were also fleeting glimpses of something better...
Points of light
Little treasures
Moments of beauty...
The secret things of my soul
But I was alone with them
like a solitary king in his counting room
like a lonely scholar with his books

And then there was you,
like that moment in Oz,
when the world turns to color
from shades of grey

Everything changed
The lovely became beautiful
The pleasant became wonderful
The interesting became intoxicating
The mysterious became magical
The good became sacred

And all those things, those little things I'd found
Those moments of truth and beauty,
Those glimpses of joy
That pointed me to Eternity
For me, found their earthly fulfillment in you:
Because you loved them too,
and your presence suffused them with a golden light
The same light that surrounds you wherever you go:
The sparkling fairy-trails you leave behind when you pass by:
The intangible radiance that shines from your spirit,
and fills any place you're in with a glow that says, "Home"

And now that I've lost you,
I've lost everything
There is no beauty
No joy
No loveliness
No hope
Only the incessant electric buzz of existence

I know it sounded crazy
I know
I thought so myself
I'd found a magic wardrobe
and no one else could see the doorway at the back

I know I acted strangely
I know
My mind was telling me that it was impossible
My spirit was telling me that it was inevitable
And my heart was being torn apart by
the greatest desire
and the greatest fear
I have ever known

One thing I thought I knew:
Courage
I've faced death many times
But death is easy;
What I've got to face is unspeakably harder:
Life without you