Believing the Impossible

Have you ever seen a miracle? Or had a prayer or wish answered after long years of hoping and struggling, wanting to believe that it's going to happen but not really daring to get your hopes up?

There's this weird thing that happens: this thing has been looming over your consciousness for so long, or this assumption has been firmly in place all your life. And then, suddenly, there's the thing, right there, and it's actual reality. And it's sort of anti-climatic. You're like, "Huh. Well, okay then."

My daughter was just talking to me about this with having lost weight. She's been chubby since she was a child, and now she's finally passed that point where she looks completely normal in clothes. It happened to me when I'd been fighting the government for my disability for something like five years, and praying fervently and desperately the whole time. And also, when I saw actual miracles and answered prayers--ones that couldn't be explained away rationally. And spiritual beings. Yeah, literally saw them with my waking eyes. You accept the reality with which you are presented.

So it seems like, once you've experienced this once, or twice, or several times, you'd be always ready to believe for the next one. But for some reason, no. Apparently it's human nature. Look at the Israelites. They saw waters turn to blood, frogs raining from the sky, all the firstborn in the land except their own die in one night, the sea parted, the pillars of cloud and flame moving with them, the rock split and water pouring forth. But still, every time it got a little difficult, they doubted and grumbled and whined.

And I am just as guilty. I've seen all kinds of things in my life: been told by God to pray for things, then watched them happen. Been miraculously healed. Had prayers answered which seemed impossible, after long times of waiting and struggle. Seen God Himself. But still here I am, bitching and moaning, terrified and full of unbelief because the thing which he told me is his will, and is going to happen, seems impossible by human standards. Well, okay. It's impossible. But that doesn't mean God can't do it. He even told me ahead of time that this time was coming, in which I would lose all my hope and everything I was relying upon. But even though I knew that, it still doesn't stop me from falling to hopelessness and despair.

So this is me, professing my faith and trust in God, in spite of the fact that I know it can't happen. But I believe in spite of my unbelief.

This is the point in the story when Sam has to pick up Frodo and carry him, because Frodo has lost all hope and strength, and the will to go on, but knows he has to go on anyway.

"The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak." -- Jesus