This is quite good. I don't agree with everything he says, particularly I think that it is possible to find the right one, with the proper Guidance.
You may wonder, given my seemingly romantic tendencies, that I like and (mostly) agree with this. But I'm not actually a "romantic" in the sense in which most moderns mean it. That is, I don't believe in "follow your feelings," or in wishy-washy emotionalism in making decisions about love (or in any area). I guess I'm what you might call a romantic realist: I believe that there is such a thing as True Love, but that we have to get there through a path of wisdom, discipline, sacrifice, knowledge of ourselves and the other, moral virtue, commitment, hard work, and all the other things that the pragmatists advocate. In other words, I believe that the pragmatists and the romantics are both right and wrong: that each only has half (or in some cases, less) of the picture.
To put it metaphorically, emotions are like flowing water. What we want in flowing water is for it to be a nice, clear, cool, sparkling, fresh stream; and for that, we need solid banks or a channel for the water to flow through. Without banks, a river becomes a swamp: this is the mistake of the pure romantic. But the mistake of the pure pragmatist is to build a dam, and try and stop the flow altogether; this, of course, is eventually going to result in disaster. Not only does the water in the resultant lake become muddy and stagnant, but eventually it will either overflow or burst the dam.
All this is especially true in the case of the most powerful emotion, love, and applies to making our choice of partner, as well as all the choices we make throughout the relationship. Just because we feel an emotional connection with someone, doesn't mean that's the person we should marry. But neither should we marry based solely on how the other person "looks on paper," and stifle and dismiss the emotional element altogether. We've got to use both our hearts and our heads. Similarly, divorcing because you "fell out of love" with someone is foolishness, but so is divorcing because your partner isn't living up to your ambitions and expectations.
All this is especially true in the case of the most powerful emotion, love, and applies to making our choice of partner, as well as all the choices we make throughout the relationship. Just because we feel an emotional connection with someone, doesn't mean that's the person we should marry. But neither should we marry based solely on how the other person "looks on paper," and stifle and dismiss the emotional element altogether. We've got to use both our hearts and our heads. Similarly, divorcing because you "fell out of love" with someone is foolishness, but so is divorcing because your partner isn't living up to your ambitions and expectations.
I heard once, in a movie, the line; "There's always a moment, when you have a choice: 'Do I give in to this or not?'" And I wholeheartedly agree. I, obviously, believe in and am capable of immensely deep and profoundly passionate love. But it only comes after I have allowed myself to experience it, because I have become convinced that it is appropriate and right, or at least possible and permissible. So if, for example, I met a married woman with whom I shared a very real emotional and intellectual connection, and even a physical attraction, I would not consider that real love, and would never allow myself to fall in love with her (nor to act on the attraction in any way), because it would not be appropriate and possible. I might form a friendship with her, if it were feasible, and any other feelings I had, I would regard as just feelings, and they would fade over time.
This may sound like I am pontificating and don't know what I'm talking about--"it's easy to say these things, but have you tried living them?" Well yes, I have. When I met again the woman for whom I'd carried a flame for 27 years and was convinced I should have married, I hoped I might have a second chance. But when I found out she was married, I put that to rest forever, and finally was able to move on.
This may sound like I am pontificating and don't know what I'm talking about--"it's easy to say these things, but have you tried living them?" Well yes, I have. When I met again the woman for whom I'd carried a flame for 27 years and was convinced I should have married, I hoped I might have a second chance. But when I found out she was married, I put that to rest forever, and finally was able to move on.
Or, to put it all another way, I believe that genuine True Love is metaphysical love; the Love of God, given as a gift for us humans to share between us and in Him. And this can only be achieved within the context of His order.
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