Direction

Several weeks ago, just after this, I decided to become Roman Catholic.

Decided is probably the wrong word. What happened is that I awoke one morning with the idea and the intention fully-formed in my mind. I have learned when this happens to go with it, because I am being Directed. I also knew, upon that waking, what parish I was going to go to, which mass I would be attending, and which priest I would talk to about being confirmed.

I had considered, years ago, becoming Catholic, and had even begun catechism, meeting with a French priest named Fr. Dupré (no relation), and attending the Tridentine, or traditional Latin, mass in Phoenix where I was living at the time. But I ended up taking another turn and becoming confirmed as an Anglican instead. I had put a lot of thought and prayer into it back then. But it wasn't something I had really thought about or seriously considered in a long time. I hadn't been considering going back to any church at all for the last several years, except for the thing I mentioned a couple of months ago. That having failed, I had decided not to pursue any further avenues. But upon waking that morning, after the...what to call it? healing? deliverance? epiphany? breakthrough? whatever it was, of a few weeks ago, it just felt like time to move forward.

So I obeyed the prompting, and met with the priest. I made a list of all the books I've read which I thought would be relevant to Catholic catechism (which ended up comprising four pages), and we discussed my theology, my spirituality, my prayer life, my mysticism, etc. He had me meet with the director of religious education, also, and they both decided I did not need any further catechism or instruction, and asked when I wanted to be confirmed. I said Easter, because I would like the Lenten season for preparation and penitence, and so we scheduled it. The first official rite of the process, the Rite of Welcome, was last Sunday.

Why Catholic, you may ask. So far most of the Protestant friends and acquaintances I've told have immediately launched into a litany of their reasons why God and I are wrong about this. In which I am supremely uninterested.

The simple answer is, 'Because God led me to.' That prompting I had has been further confirmed by prayer and by signs.

The more complex answer is that I have already been catholic for a long time, just not Catholic. This is not, for me, a conversion; it is an expansion. I had a dream some time back, in which I was at a church altar rail, being served Eucharist by three priests: one Anglican (representing Protestants), one Catholic, and one Orthodox. I see, and have long seen, myself as being in full fellowship with all orthodox, biblical, trinitarian Christians, whether Anglican, Roman Catholic, Greek Orthodox, Baptist, Methodist, Presbyterian, Pentecostal, Charismatic, Mennonite, Adventist, Indian Mar Thoma, Ethiopian Tewahedo, non-denominational, inter-denominational, trans-denominational, or whatever. If you truly believe in and follow the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost, take scripture seriously, and try to follow Christ's teachings, you are my brother or sister. Some churches have requirements in order to be received into full communion with them, meaning being able to partake of the sacraments and the full life of the church. I am submitting to that, so that I can worship and fellowship fully with Roman Catholics. I would actually like to be confirmed in an Orthodox church too, at some point, so that I can commune with them as well. And I am not becoming not-Anglican in order to become Catholic: I will now be both.

My theology hasn't changed and isn't changing, nor is my prayer life and private spirituality. Except that I will be adding frequent confession and the Sacrament of Reconciliation, which I see as a very good thing. I already pray the Hail Mary three times a day, and have done for years, ever since the Lord spoke to me during a time of prayer, and said that if I would take His mother as my mother, He would use her to heal my relationship with women, which had been troubled since I was a small child. I accepted, and He has kept that promise.

Like I said, I'm already catholic, so there's no real change here for me. The main thing is to have somewhere to start going to church again. It is time. Also, it is time to have a pastor and spiritual director in my life again, something that I did not have even when attending my old church. I loved our priests there, and I loved the teaching and preaching. But there was a total lack of pastoral care in that church, which I was definitely not the only one to feel and note. Also, my very active spiritual and mystical life was not well-received there, as there was prejudice against such things in favor of mainline Protestant rationalism (they had all come from Episcopalian, Methodist, and Presbyterian backgrounds). Whereas this priest to whom I was directed is a mystic himself, and said to me that he believes all Christians are called to be mystics, which I believe also. He is from Africa, where there is a much more active spirituality than in the West; I find, the further I go into my spiritual life, the more I have in common in many ways with people from places like Africa and India and the less with typical Americans and Europeans. This is the first time I've had a spiritual father figure in my life since before moving to Virginia, almost ten years ago now.

One of the signs I alluded to above was that, Sunday before last, the first time I attended mass since leaving the old church, I was kneeling in prayer during the liturgy, and out of nowhere I saw how to write the story about which I had been blocked for a very long time. I went home later and it just started flowing. Also, taking this positive and tangible step out and forward has helped me to shake off that inertia which had been keeping me bound with my fitness, and I am finally moving forward there as well.

So, to sum up, I feel very positive about this move, and I am fully confident that this is the direction the Lord would have me take in this season of my life.