Hymn To The Praises Of God

"Everything depends on people having a great and most resolute determination never to halt until they reach their journey's end, happen what may, whatever the consequences are, cost what it will, let who will blame them, whether they reach the goal or die on the road, or lose heart to bear the trials they encounter, or the earth itself goes to pieces beneath their feet." -- St. Theresa of Avila

More things I want to do while I'm traveling:

Attend mass and receive the sacraments. Traveling from place to place will afford me the opportunity to find places where I can do this. My first choice will be Anglican Catholic Ordinariate masses. Other options will be Tridentine Catholic, Byzantine Catholic, or traditionalist Anglican but still Protestant ones. I'm actually looking forward to the variety. Technically, I could attend the general Catholic novus ordo mass, but I feel very uncomfortable there--almost as much as I do in Episcopalian or mainstream Anglican ones. There's a spirit there, of irreverence, laxity, modernism, and feminism, which I find very un-conducive to worship in spirit and in truth.

Visit friends and family. I have them scattered all over, and many of them I haven't seen in many years. But selectively: I'm at a point in my life in which I don't want or need to be around unbelief or skepticism. And also, certain people have the effect of drawing one back into one's old self--the self that one is trying very had to leave behind. So I'm only going to visit people whom I believe will be supportive and helpful to who I am now, and who I'm trying to become.

Go on adventures. Find interesting places to hike, try things I never have before like river rafting, kayaking, and more. Some things I've always wanted to do, like climbing and skydiving, I can't really right now because of my physical issues. But if I find some of that healing I'm looking for, and continue to get in better shape, maybe I can some day.

Write. I'm hoping that being out and doing things, moving around and being active, will help me get things flowing. This house, though I love it in many ways, is a kind of a prison to me. I moved in just as all this between you and me was beginning, and the whole time I've lived here I've been in agony over you. It has also been a place of extraordinary graces and healing. But I just haven't been able to get my heart and mind settled enough to really get any serious work done. There's an anxiety and a restlessness that never completely go away, and I can't stay focused consistently. So I'm hoping that a change of scenery, or rather a continual series of changes of scenery, will help.

Bow down thine ear, O Lord, hear me: for I am poor and needy.
 Preserve my soul; for I am holy:
O thou my God, save thy servant that trusteth in thee.
Be merciful unto me, O Lord: for I cry unto thee daily.
Rejoice the soul of thy servant:
for unto thee, O Lord, do I lift up my soul.

The birds each morning
proclaim the praises of God
in their song with the sun
as it rises to reflect
His True Light
invisible to the eye of man

The creatures all worship
according to their kind

The oak honors Him with its strength
the violet with its vulnerability
the bee with its busyness
the butterfly with its beauty
the cat with its quietness
the stag with its stateliness
the bear with its hunger
the rabbit with its caution
the stars with their splendour
the moon with its movement
the virgin with her reticence
the lover with his ardour

Every created thing
in order to honor Him
must follow its nature
to fulfill its purpose
and though Man and the Angels
may worship Him in words
they also may exalt Him
through the works of their hands
each of which, when ordered rightly
is a bit of His mind
a spark of His light

The writer with his words

the singer with her song

the craftsman with his craft
the artist with her artistry
the soldier with his courage
the mother with her nurture

My nature is to do two things:
to speak His truth
and to love You

"Who else is good apart from God? So, entrust all your life to him and all will be well with you."

 -- Evagrios of Pontus

Verdi - La Traviata - Parigi, O Cara

2 My son, if you come forward to serve the Lord,
    prepare yourself for temptation.
2 Set your heart right and be steadfast,
    and do not be hasty in time of calamity.
3 Cleave to him and do not depart,
    that you may be honored at the end of your life.
4 Accept whatever is brought upon you,
    and in changes that humble you be patient.
5 For gold is tested in the fire,
    and acceptable men in the furnace of humiliation.
6 Trust in him, and he will help you;
    make your ways straight, and hope in him.

7 You who fear the Lord, wait for his mercy;
    and turn not aside, lest you fall.
8 You who fear the Lord, trust in him,
    and your reward will not fail;
9 you who fear the Lord, hope for good things,
    for everlasting joy and mercy.
10 Consider the ancient generations and see:
    who ever trusted in the Lord and was put to shame?
Or who ever persevered in the fear of the Lord and was forsaken?
    Or who ever called upon him and was overlooked?
11 For the Lord is compassionate and merciful;
    he forgives sins and saves in time of affliction.

12 Woe to timid hearts and to slack hands,
    and to the sinner who walks along two ways!
13 Woe to the faint heart, for it has no trust!
    Therefore it will not be sheltered.
14 Woe to you who have lost your endurance!
    What will you do when the Lord punishes you?
15 Those who fear the Lord will not disobey his words,
    and those who love him will keep his ways.
16 Those who fear the Lord will seek his approval,
    and those who love him will be filled with the law.
17 Those who fear the Lord will prepare their hearts,
    and will humble themselves before him.
18 Let us fall into the hands of the Lord,
    but not into the hands of men;
for as his majesty is, so also is his mercy.

-- Wisdom of Sirach

Your delicate heart is beautiful above all things
I can see it behind its gates and walls
its guards and wards
its locks and chains
its curtains and veils

Lovelier than your lovely face
Prettier than your pretty smile
More luminous than your shining eyes
More melodious than your musical voice
More radiant than your incandescent presence

Your heart is the most exquisite of treasures
the most precious of rare things
It is beyond any man's desert
Beyond mine
And I dare not ask for it
Except to say that I alone
perceive its full worth
and could treasure it
cherish it
adore it
venerate it
guard it
serve it
love it
as it is entitled to be loved

"For out of much affliction and anguish of heart I wrote unto you with many tears; not that you should be grieved, but that ye might know the love which I have more abundantly to you." -- 2 Cor 2:4

I've been thinking that what I'm going to do is buy a small camper trailer, and spend the time between now and next spring traveling on this continent. I'll take my backpack and hiking gear with me, and keep my gym membership, which is good nationwide, so I can keep training a couple of times a week at least, and go hiking when I find somewhere interesting to explore. Then, next spring, come back, store my truck and either sell the camper or store it too, and head to Europe.

Maybe I'll find somewhere I'd like to live while I'm out. Europe would be my first preference, but harder to make happen.

Bishop Barron on J.R.R. Tolkien, Evangelist

"Hope is the mean between despair and presumption."

Reginald Garrigou-Lagrange, The Three Ages of the Interior Life 

88 O lord God of my salvation, I have cried day and night before thee:

2 Let my prayer come before thee: incline thine ear unto my cry;

3 For my soul is full of troubles: and my life draweth nigh unto the grave.

4 I am counted with them that go down into the pit: I am as a man that hath no strength:

5 Free among the dead, like the slain that lie in the grave, whom thou rememberest no more: and they are cut off from thy hand.

6 Thou hast laid me in the lowest pit, in darkness, in the deeps.

7 Thy wrath lieth hard upon me, and thou hast afflicted me with all thy waves. Selah.

8 Thou hast put away mine acquaintance far from me; thou hast made me an abomination unto them: I am shut up, and I cannot come forth.

9 Mine eye mourneth by reason of affliction: Lord, I have called daily upon thee, I have stretched out my hands unto thee.

10 Wilt thou shew wonders to the dead? shall the dead arise and praise thee? Selah.

11 Shall thy lovingkindness be declared in the grave? or thy faithfulness in destruction?

12 Shall thy wonders be known in the dark? and thy righteousness in the land of forgetfulness?

13 But unto thee have I cried, O Lord; and in the morning shall my prayer prevent thee.

14 Lord, why castest thou off my soul? why hidest thou thy face from me?

15 I am afflicted and ready to die from my youth up: while I suffer thy terrors I am distracted.

16 Thy fierce wrath goeth over me; thy terrors have cut me off.

17 They came round about me daily like water; they compassed me about together.

18 Lover and friend hast thou put far from me, and mine acquaintance into darkness.

Thanks To Thee

Just because in spite of everything, in the midst of everything, God is still Good.