Back when I cared about things

I had ideas

about how my life should be

I had dreams

of what my life could be

I had hopes

of what my life would be

Back when I cared about things

I wanted so much

I wanted my life

to have meaning

I wanted to do good

I wanted to be good

I wanted to be a hero

I wanted to be a poet

I wanted to be a teacher

I wanted to be a man

I wanted beauty in my life

and truth

and love

Back when I cared about things

I saw the beauty in the world

in spite of the horror

I saw the good

in spite of the evil

I saw the hope

in spite of the heartbreak

And I hoped

I tried

I strove

to touch that beauty

to be that good

there was passion in my heart

and poetry in my soul

Back when I cared about things

I always wanted something better

for myself

and for those I loved

I always wanted to make myself better

No matter how bad it got

I never stopped trying

to improve

to grow

to change

myself and my life

so that I could make some difference

in the world

Back when I cared about things

I believed in romance

and true love

in justice

in redemption

in destiny

and that somehow, some way

in the end

everything was going to be alright

But it isn't

And now, none of it matters anymore

Now, none of it means anything to me

Now, all I wish for

is what I've lost

and can never get back