"Few other griefs amid the ill chances of this world have more bitterness and shame for a man’s heart than to behold the love of a lady so fair and brave that cannot be returned."

-- J.R.R. Tolkien

My guest made me a delightful treat: authentic homemade Italian food--melanzala parmigiana. And keto-friendly; no pasta. So delicious. Luckily, she made enough that we can have it again tomorrow evening. 

I said goodbye to Sharleen last week after a brief visit, as she was planning on spending the rest of her time here in Florida. But she felt progressively unsafe--men acting inappropriately and ungentlemanly--as she traveled south through Atlanta and down to Miami, and after a couple of days decided that she wanted to come back to me. The fact that I am the one she thought of, that this is where she feels like she can go to feel safe, makes me feel very, very good about myself. It means that she sees who I really am. Also, I am happy to get to spend a few more days with her before she goes home to Italy. I wasn't expecting any more guests before I move out (my house is already half-empty), but this is a nice way to end my time here.

Peace

With three things I am delighted,

for they are pleasing to the Lord and to men:

Unity among brethren, friendship among neighbors,

and a wife and a husband living together in harmony.

-- Wisdom of Sirach 25:1

Summer Song

"Murmuring 'twixt a murmer and moan,
Many a tune in a single tone--
For every ear with a secret true--
The sea-shell wants to whisper to you."

"Yes--I hear it--far and faint,
Like thin-drawn prayer of drowsy saint;
Like the muffled sounds of a summer rain;
Like the rustle of dreams to a weary brain."

"By smiling lip and fixed eye,
You are hearing a song within the sigh:
The murmurer has curious ways--
Tell me, darling, the words it says."

"I hear a wind on a boatless main
Sigh like the last of a vanishing pain;
On the dreaming waters dreams the moon
But I hear no words in the doubtful tune."

"If it tell thee not that I love thee well,
'Tis a senseless, wrinkled, ill-curved shell:
If it be not of love, why sigh or sing?
'Tis a common, mechanical, stupid thing."

"It whispers, it whispers, with prophet voice,
Of a peace that comes, of a granted choice;
It speaks not a word of your love to me,
But it tells me I love you eternally."

-- George MacDonald, Violin Songs and Other Poems

The fragrance of an expensive perfume,
even when it is kept in its jar,
will permeate every room in a house,
delighting not only the owners
but even the neighbors as well,
so it is with a saintly soul, loved by God,
for its fragrance will emanate
through all the senses of its body,
making known to those who can discern
the holiness that lies hidden within.

-- Theodoros the Ascetic

Un Nuova Amica

I met Sharleen several days ago, by divine appointment, I think, on the Appalachian Trail, as she was hiking through Shenandoah. We ended up being able to spend some significant time together, talking about books, poems, art, music, beauty, truth, depression, tragedy, God, and love.

Don't get the wrong idea about this: it isn't that. It just so happened that we met and were able to connect, and especially that she was in a place that she could use someone to be kind and honorable toward her, which is exactly the thing that I like best to do. Sharleen is a lovely, intelligent, sensitive, warm, and good-hearted person, who deserves much better than life seems to have given her so far. One of the things I hate most about this current world order is how it treats lovely young women. Being a beautiful woman in this world is like being a steak in the zoo, and there's nothing I like better than when I have the opportunity to "do good to someone who is not accustomed to have it done to them" as Tolstoy put it, particularly in this way.

And I also have to admit that it is quite wonderful to feel love, trust, respect, admiration, and affection in return, rather than the things that I've been feeling. I, also, was very much in need of someone to be kind to me. She compared me to Jean Valjean, which is one of the nicest things anyone has ever said to me. Valjean is exactly the kind of man I aspire to be.

It just so happens as well that she is planning on hiking the Camino de Santiago next year. So we're going to try and meet up for that, and she's also invited me to come and visit her in Italy, which I'm quite looking forward to. 

Again, don't get the wrong impression here. I have come to love my new friend, but as a little sister. 

More about Sharleen:
https://sharleenm.wixsite.com/sharleenmaglione/portfolio
https://shenandoahglory.home.blog/

“A divine 'punishment’ is also a divine 'gift’, if accepted, since its object is ultimate blessing, and the supreme inventiveness of the Creator will make 'punishments’ (that is changes of design) produce a good not otherwise to be attained” -- J.R.R. Tolkien

"If you pray truly,

you will discover great confidence, 

and angels will come to you 

as they once came to Daniel, 

and they will enlighten you 

about the inner meaning
of created existences."  

-- Evagrios of Pontus

You have ravished my heart, my sister, my bride;
you have captivated my heart with one glance of your eyes,
with one joint of your neck.
How beautiful is your love, my sister, my bride!
How much better is your love than wine,
and the fragrance of your oils than spices!
Your lips drip nectar, my bride;
honey and milk are under your tongue;
the fragrance of your garments
is like the fragrance of Lebanon.

An enclosed garden is my sister, my bride,
a hidden spring, a fountain sealed.
Your limbs are a paradise of pomegranates
with all choicest fruits, henna and nard,
spikenard and saffron, calamus and cinnamon,
with all trees of frankincense, myrrh and aloes,
with all choice spices—
a garden spring, a well of living water,
flowing streams from Lebanon.

Awake, O north wind,
and come, O south wind!
Blow upon my garden,
and let its spices flow.

-- Song of Solomon

He hath made every thing beautiful in his time

-- Ecclesiastes 3:11

Hymn To The Praises Of God

"Everything depends on people having a great and most resolute determination never to halt until they reach their journey's end, happen what may, whatever the consequences are, cost what it will, let who will blame them, whether they reach the goal or die on the road, or lose heart to bear the trials they encounter, or the earth itself goes to pieces beneath their feet." -- St. Theresa of Avila

More things I want to do while I'm traveling:

Attend mass and receive the sacraments. Traveling from place to place will afford me the opportunity to find places where I can do this. My first choice will be Anglican Catholic Ordinariate masses. Other options will be Tridentine Catholic, Byzantine Catholic, or traditionalist Anglican but still Protestant ones. I'm actually looking forward to the variety. Technically, I could attend the general Catholic novus ordo mass, but I feel very uncomfortable there--almost as much as I do in Episcopalian or mainstream Anglican ones. There's a spirit there, of irreverence, laxity, modernism, and feminism, which I find very un-conducive to worship in spirit and in truth.

Visit friends and family. I have them scattered all over, and many of them I haven't seen in many years. But selectively: I'm at a point in my life in which I don't want or need to be around unbelief or skepticism. And also, certain people have the effect of drawing one back into one's old self--the self that one is trying very had to leave behind. So I'm only going to visit people whom I believe will be supportive and helpful to who I am now, and who I'm trying to become.

Go on adventures. Find interesting places to hike, try things I never have before like river rafting, kayaking, and more. Some things I've always wanted to do, like climbing and skydiving, I can't really right now because of my physical issues. But if I find some of that healing I'm looking for, and continue to get in better shape, maybe I can some day.

Write. I'm hoping that being out and doing things, moving around and being active, will help me get things flowing. This house, though I love it in many ways, is a kind of a prison to me. I moved in just as all this between you and me was beginning, and the whole time I've lived here I've been in agony over you. It has also been a place of extraordinary graces and healing. But I just haven't been able to get my heart and mind settled enough to really get any serious work done. There's an anxiety and a restlessness that never completely go away, and I can't stay focused consistently. So I'm hoping that a change of scenery, or rather a continual series of changes of scenery, will help.

Bow down thine ear, O Lord, hear me: for I am poor and needy.
 Preserve my soul; for I am holy:
O thou my God, save thy servant that trusteth in thee.
Be merciful unto me, O Lord: for I cry unto thee daily.
Rejoice the soul of thy servant:
for unto thee, O Lord, do I lift up my soul.

The birds each morning
proclaim the praises of God
in their song with the sun
as it rises to reflect
His True Light
invisible to the eye of man

The creatures all worship
according to their kind

The oak honors Him with its strength
the violet with its vulnerability
the bee with its busyness
the butterfly with its beauty
the cat with its quietness
the stag with its stateliness
the bear with its hunger
the rabbit with its caution
the stars with their splendour
the moon with its movement
the virgin with her reticence
the lover with his ardour

Every created thing
in order to honor Him
must follow its nature
to fulfill its purpose
and though Man and the Angels
may worship Him in words
they also may exalt Him
through the works of their hands
each of which, when ordered rightly
is a bit of His mind
a spark of His light

The writer with his words

the singer with her song

the craftsman with his craft
the artist with her artistry
the soldier with his courage
the mother with her nurture

My nature is to do two things:
to speak His truth
and to love You

"Who else is good apart from God? So, entrust all your life to him and all will be well with you."

 -- Evagrios of Pontus