The more I think about this idea of travelling the more I like it. I'm thinking now that I'll compromise: keep my pact with God about going back to school if my house sells, but maybe take six months or a year to do the rambling first. It would actually work out, as I really can't start now until next fall anyway. Since I'm studying languages, it would be hard to start in the spring semester when they're offering all the second-level language courses. I could see quite a lot in that time.
I've actually made some substantial progress on my writing: finally finished the complete plot outline for the story I've been stuck on for years. Also, I woke up in the middle of the night with "that voice" in my heart about a new non-fiction book. It's an examination of the Bible from the perspective that it's one big love story, with God as the pursuing lover and us as the resistant beloved. The idea is to take all the passages (of which there are very many) which depict God's relationship with us this way and tie them together with the kind of commentary and analysis I sometimes do here, and then bring in some things from the medieval erotic mystics and the metaphysical poets. I felt, that night, like He was saying to me, "Tell my people how much I love them." Which is a lot. It wasn't too long ago that I came to the staggering realization while praying that God loves me (and all of you) more than I love you-know-who. I knew that, intellectually, of course. But I never really realized it, if you know what I mean.
Anyway, if the house doesn't sell, plan B in my prayers is to really get serious and GET SOMETHING PUBLISHED. Enough fooling around, already. Geez. Even if I do go back to school, I'm going to keep trying to do that.
Also, if I stay here, I'm going to get back into theatre. Did I tell you I auditioned for a play a couple of months ago? They didn't cast me, but they took the time to write me a long note saying that they were very impressed with my talent, and wanted me to come and audition for them again. I agree with their decision not to cast me for that particular show: it was a very lighthearted piece, and I was Not At All in a lighthearted place when I auditioned. Macbeth would have been about right. Also, I still need to learn to sight read music. They were blown away when I sang, but I was no good when it came to group auditions and just picking up the sheet music and joining in. Could use a little dance training, too.
Today is day 15 of my 21-day fast. Sometimes it's easy and sometimes it's very not. I'm not really hungry, actually; I just want to eat. It gets tough, just hanging around the house and not eating, so sometimes I go out and get coffee and hang around downtown or something. But then I see all the restaurants and smell the food, and that doesn't really help either. I bought some peanuts today to feed to the squirrels, and came pretty close to falling into a binge-eating session that would still be going on right now. But I gave them to a homeless guy instead. He didn't realize that he was actually doing me the bigger favor.
I always lose muscle when I fast, and to be honest I kind of like it better. People stare at me when I'm really pumped up, and treat me with--I don't know, like respect or deference. It kinda makes me uncomfortable. That's actually a bit sad, isn't it?--maybe I won't look under that rock just now. Today some girl drew me while I was sitting and smoking my pipe on the mall. I've had people ask a couple of times if they can take my picture when I'm down there. I guess maybe I look like a character or something, lol.
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