My daughter has been single for a very long time. I raised my girls to be independent: didn't let them date until they were 16, because I didn't want them developing that needy dependence that so many girls have, which makes them have to have a boyfriend, and which leads them into all kinds of heartache, trouble, and tragedy. And it worked: by the time they turned 16, they had developed sufficient character that most of the boys simply didn't interest them, and neither of them ended up dating at all until they were in their 20s.
For my older daughter, it has continued--she's now 28 and still has never had an actual relationship. A date here, a few dates there--once a long-drawn-out thing where she was never sure if she was just friends with the guy or if it was going somewhere (it wasn't). She is very smart, very independent, and very strong-willed. And the guys she's met just have never held her interest for long, or have shown their true intentions and character and been summarily dismissed. I am very proud of her. I don't know if it's unusual for a daughter to talk to her father routinely and openly about her dating life, but we do, and I'm glad.
Of course, she's not totally immune to that terrible feeling that pretty much all single people have--that wondering, is it ever going to happen? It's even affected her relationship with the Lord--she's been struggling with disappointment and it's damaged her faith. And I worry about her--about whether she's going to find happiness, or make a bad decision and end up in a bad situation, or get hurt, or whatever. You know, dad stuff. And I also pray for her, that God will bring her that man. I pray that He will bring her a man who will love her like I love You-Know-Who.
So a few days ago, she wrote me that "I changed my age range on my dating profile to 38-49. I'm over these young guys. Even guys who are 30-35 are so immature." And today, she wrote that she has a date with a 41-year-old professor, and said, "It's so different, talking to a man who's older than someone my age."
I told her that think this is a very good idea, and shows a lot of wisdom. I think I've said before that I've only realized as I've gotten older that I had no idea how to love a woman when I was young. Especially when you're talking about an extraordinary woman, one with real intelligence, and character, and fire in her spirit, she needs a man, not a boy, and one with maturity, intelligence, integrity, strength, and character. And it takes time for those things to develop in a man, especially in our age, when he's basically on his own for finding and learning those things, and very much going against the grain of society.
You may not know this if you're a woman, but men who stand up for treating women with genuine love and respect get made fun of by other men. And here's an even nastier secret: You know those comments that Trump was recorded making about women? That's how the vast majority of men are, when they're alone. He wasn't lying when he said it was "just locker-room talk"; that is really how it is--it's "normal". Then those same men pay lip-service to feminist speech-and-thought-control requirements when they're in mixed company, to ingratiate themselves to women (mostly for the purpose of getting sex).
Not that it's a guarantee that an older man is going to be better. It's just the odds improve. Some have had the time to develop their characters and build the conviction and discipline to live what they believe, and some have seen the error of their former ways and changed themselves. Not that the odds are still all that good; after all, Trump and Bill Clinton are my father's generation--that was when it all really started to go bad; when porn started to become mainstream, when 'virgin' became an insult, and when the primary goal of dating girls changed from finding and winning a bride to the predatory practice of getting as many of them to have sex with you as possible. You'd have to go to my grandfather's generation to get a significantly higher percentage of men who were basically decent. But bad odds are still better than abysmal odds. And you only need to find one.
I'll say it again: I pray the Lord to bring my daughter a man who will love her like I love Her. That's the best thing I can ask for her.
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