Spring, Easter, and Random Thoughts

"Arise, my love, my beautiful one,
and come away,
for behold, the winter is past;
the rain is over and gone.
The flowers appear on the earth,
the time of singing has come,
and the voice of the turtledove
is heard in our land.
The fig tree ripens its figs,
and the vines are in blossom;
they give forth fragrance.
Arise, my love, my beautiful one,
and come away.
O my dove, in the clefts of the rock,
in the crannies of the cliff,
let me see your face,
let me hear your voice,
for your voice is sweet,
and your face is lovely."

-- Song of Solomon 2:10-14

For me, the first day of Spring is always Easter Day, no matter what the calendar says. I'm happy, this year, to finally be able to worship again, to celebrate Easter, and to observe the days and seasons in general--I've been largely ignoring the liturgical calendar since I stopped going to church, and intentionally avoiding celebrating holidays, except when I was more or less dragged into it by family or friends.

I'm happy to be at church again, but I don't feel at home here yet as I did in my old one. I don't know how much of it is just newness and unfamiliarity, how much is my own hesitance to open up and put myself out there again, and how much might be a difference in the nature of the churches. I do get the impression that there is overall less sense of immediate community in Catholic churches than in Protestant ones. Undoubtedly, it's all of these factors together, to some degree. I definitely am avoiding giving myself wholly to the church like I did before. Probably permanently. I don't think I'll ever be able to do that again. Part of it, too, might just be that I'm still missing old friends. I'm one of those sad souls who never stops loving people from the past, no matter how long ago or far away.

Nevertheless, there is a joy for me, especially in being confirmed and finally being able to receive communion again. Also, although the immediate sense of local community is less, there is happiness in belonging to the vastly larger global community. In particular, the expectation of being able to visit the shrines and cathedrals, and do the pilgrimages in Europe in my upcoming travels as a Catholic is very exciting to me. I loved visiting them anyway, but there was always a sense of not belonging before. I'm looking forward to, for instance, being able to truly share full fellowship with other pilgrims in the Albergues on the Camino, to being able to receive Mass in the churches and cathedrals, and even to not feeling that slight sense of alienation when viewing art or listening to music in Catholic settings, or which is explicitly Catholic in origin or theme. I don't know if that makes any sense, or if I'm the only one to have felt that.

As I said before, I'd still really like to also become fully Orthodox, and spend some serious time exploring the deep and vast beauty of the Byzantine and other Eastern traditions. Maybe I'll do that after I return, and then make that another trip. I dearly would love to visit places like Mt. Athos, Hagia Sophia, and especially the Holy Sepulchre and related sites in Jerusalem, which are mostly Orthodox-controlled, while simultaneously internally exploring Orthodox spirituality and mysticism. The highlight, I think, would be to be present for the miracle of the Holy Fire in Jerusalem. I suppose it would really take two trips: that one, and one to Eastern Europe and Russia. Would dearly love to see St  Basil's and get a taste of Tolstoy's and Tchaikovsky's Russia. This would all be much easier if I were living in Europe.

The perfect church, for me, would be one that uses the traditional high Anglican liturgy, the vast depth and breadth of church music from the great hymns to the most ancient chants, embraces the entire spectrum of interior spirituality, from the mysticism of the Desert Fathers to the Charismatic Renewal, and is fully catholic and fully orthodox in its theology while still embracing the good things that did come out of the Reformation, holding fast and unshakable in essentials while allowing full freedom of conscience in non-essentials. Let me know if you find one like that.

Anyway, what I started this unexpectedly rambling post out to say is: It's Spring! and He is Risen!