Monday, May 27, 2019

You know, the Lord speaks to me about you too; it's not a one-way conversation. I mean, other than when he asked me to love you. He gives me insights to help me understand you, how to love you, and how to pray for you; sometimes by giving me dreams and revelations that show me things, sometimes by just speaking into my heart with his still, small voice. Like how He spoke to Joseph about Mary's pregnancy, so that he could understand and love her. Or how He gave him guidance and revelation on how to guard and protect her and Jesus. But in our case, it's only in a spiritual capacity that I have been given the privilege of caring for you so far.

I feel like I have, in some ways, gotten to know you more through Him than I ever did directly.  It's like what Bonhoeffer said: "Spiritual love will speak to Christ about a brother more than to a brother about Christ. It knows that the most direct way to others is always through prayer to Christ and that love of others is wholly dependent upon the truth in Christ." And "Because Christ stands between me and others, I dare not desire direct fellowship with them."

I'll give you some examples.

After the first time I saw you at the new church, as you know, we didn't see each other for several weeks after that. Then, one week, I had a dream that you were going to be there the following Sunday. And you were.

The Saturday night before that last Sunday, I had a very disturbing dream about you that I didn't really understand, but it was very upsetting. Then all through the night, I kept waking up with it fresh in my mind, as if I were being reminded of it, and told "this is important". Then, after I saw you the next day, I saw that I was being, in some measure, prepared for what happened. As bad as it was, I think it would have been worse if I hadn't received that warning.

Several years ago, I had a dream about you prominently featuring ringing church bells. In it, we were staying in the same house. I woke up (in the dream), and was told that when I heard the church bells I should be ready for you. Then I got up, exited my room, thought about something that I wanted to take care of to avoid embarrassment, went back into my room to do it, then came out again, and saw that I had just missed you and you were going down the stairs with a frown on your face.

A few days after that dream, you wrote on your blog about your bell-ringing activities. Then just after that, you posted a love poem. I was afraid that you didn't mean it for me, and afraid to acknowledge it directly, and so hesitated, and didn't respond immediately. Then you took it back down.

There are lots and lots of others, most of which I will never share. I use these because they don't reveal anything personal, and to demonstrate how they were predictive and therefore demonstrably not just products of my subconscious, as I don't know the future. There was also the one I've already shared, about the girl in the tank park. That wasn't predictive, but it was an example of Him giving me understanding about you.

There have also been times when, during prayer, He has put such a burden on my heart for you that I have wept before Him, sharing some pain of yours, I think. I don't know if the purpose was to help me understand and love you, or perhaps to help you bear something you were presently experiencing, and lighten the weight of what you were carrying. I hope it was the latter. But either way, I am grateful for all of it, and for the privilege of being called to love, serve, and care for you.

By the way, this is all firmly within the bounds of Catholic mystical theology.

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