Sometimes I post something, then later take it back down. You may not notice this unless you officially "follow" my blog, in which case the deleted posts will still show on your reading list until they get pushed off by new posts. But if you have noticed, you may wonder why.
You ever have those times, often at night, when you're feeling bold, and confident, and vulnerable, and things seem possible? And maybe you say things, and they sound right, and you feel good about them, and everyone feels the same. But then, say next morning over breakfast, you're embarrassed and shy because you opened up, and the things you said sound stupid and impossible to you now. Well, so do I. And those are the times I take things back down.
I actually believe that those vulnerable times are the times when we're at our best, and closest to the Truth. But those other times and that other voice are strong: that fearful, skeptical, cynical, self-critical voice that seems to want one thing most of all: to make sure you never dream, never believe, never dare, and never, never open yourself up to looking silly. Yes, I give in to fear sometimes. I've spent my whole life trying to be courageous, but I still have those moments when I'm not.
So if you've seen something here that touched, moved, or inspired you, and then it disappeared, know that I really did mean what I said. I just got scared and embarrassed afterward. And if you've done the same: let yourself be a little exposed, a little vulnerable, and then gotten embarrassed about it and taken it down, don't be. Let's keep moving forward together in courageous vulnerability, and maybe one day we'll find true love, intimacy, and trust.
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